Humor

Twitter Green to directly upload Elon Musk’s consciousness to users’ brains

Humor by Uche Ochuba
April 13, 2022, 9:41 p.m.

Twitter’s newest board member, Elon Musk, suggested a series of changes to Twitter Blue, Twitter’s $2.99/month subscription service. These included removing ads and giving automatic blue “verified” checkmarks to subscribed users. In addition to this, Musk unveiled plans for Twitter Green, which will use Neuralink’s brain-implanted computer chips to directly upload Elon Musk’s stream of consciousness to users’ brains.

“Everything I am thinking, at all times, will be directly uploaded to your brain.” Musk told the Daily. “Take that annoying voice in your head. Now imagine there were two. And it comes from someone you can really trust. Me.”

Musk continued: “Now you won’t even have to open up Twitter to see my next rambunctious take. Also, you can’t turn it off.”

“I take my intellectual property very seriously, but I am also generous, so I am considering offering the service for a paltry $500 per hour. I decided to call it Twitter Green because of how you will feel when you know what I am thinking at all times: sick.”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Uche Ochuba '24 is the desk editor for humor and a contributing writer in the sports section. Contact him at humor 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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