In many cultures, arrange marriage persists, but ts strict rationality has disappeared

Western notions of love and marriage are filled with acts of passion and fuzzy feelings. Yet, the divorce rate in the U.S. averages 60%, according to www.divorcerate.org.

Instead, arranged marriages continue to be practical solutions in various cultural traditions. Some critics say that there is a disconnect between arranged matches and current concepts of love. Others cite lower divorce rates, but even this statistic is disputed.

The prevalence of students in or heading toward arranged marriages on the Stanford campus proved nonexistent–but that doesn’t stop students from having opinions.

Many students at Stanford find arranged marriage to be an outdated concept.

“I do not believe arranged marriage is necessarily bad,” said Nishant Jacob ’13. “However, it was more effective before, like in the time of my parents. Now it seems a bit redundant, what with all the ways to socially network. It also seems a little restrictive.”

Some, however, were entirely against arranged marriage, expressing that it limited personal freedom.

“I think arranged marriage is one of the most oppressive institutions,” said Dakin Sloss ’12. “One of the most significant choices we make is choosing who we want to be with. No one should force it on you.”

Quite a few students said that their grandparents, and even some parents, had arranged marriages that ended up quite well. This used to be considered fairly common across many cultural lines.

Nupur Kantamneni ’13 pointed out that arranged marriages have evolved over the years and do not deserve the archaic, oppressive reputation that they are so often given.

“Arranged marriages today are not the same as they used to be,” she explained. “Now it is more like parents know other parents, etc. It is not so different from introducing friends to each other.”

Irteza Binte-Farid ’13 explained that her parents met via this loose definition.

“My parents had an arranged marriage,” she said. “They were both in medical school in Bangladesh and my father liked my mother. They did not know each other too well, but their families arranged for them to go to a movie together.

“They have been married for twenty three years and they may have their ups and downs, but they’re happy,” Binte-Farid continued. “I’m not saying that arranged marriage is for everyone, but it is not the evil that people make it out to be.”

In the long run, how different are relationships now from arranged marriages? Really, the difference may just be in the “courting” period. And perhaps that courting period is where the height of romance is seen.

Maria Del Carmen Barrios ‘13 explained her grandparents’ fairytale love story.

“My grandparents were not arranged but they went through the courting period…They liked each other right away but my grandfather did not speak Spanish and my grandmother did not speak Italian,” she said. “They learned English for each other and my family still has the tapes that they used. They kept in contact through a series of letters and then got married after only seeing each other a few times.”

Our ideas of love may have changed over the years, but the effort that goes into making love work has not. It is not an easy road and it is never perfect. And this uncertainty might be what makes it so bewildering and enchanting.