Now, I’m not trying to be rude (no R. Kelly), but there are too many classes at Stanford. It is absolutely impossible to keep track of all these things. That is why I, your intrepid columnist, am here to review this quarter’s worst classes (and a few good ones). The findings here are, as always, scientific and not to be questioned.

ARTHIST 414–Italian Mannersim (Morten Hansen, 5 units)

Now, I don’t really know what this class is about, or really whether it will answer “questions of the bella maniera, anti-classicism, and center and periphery in mannerist art in light of developments in scholarship from the 70s to the present.” But the fact that it has a typo in its name (seriously — check anywhere) should disqualify it.

PWR 1–Post-Feminism, Post-Race: Gender in the Age of Obama (Dana Carluccio, 4 units)

Students: do not encourage this. If this class turns out to be popular, every other class will be “Organic Chemistry in the Age of Obama,” “Private Lives, Public Stories About Barack Obama: Autobiographies in Women’s History” and “Ancient Journeys, Modern Quests with Barack Obama.”

CHINLANG 11–Beginning Southern Min (Taiwanese) Conversation (Lin, 2 units)/TIBETLNG  –First Year Tibetan (Clark, 3 units)

It really is time for these to be conquered by a Chinese language class.

SURG 230–Obesity in America (Woodard and Morton, 1 unit)

Should we be concerned that the solutions to “Obesity in America” lie in the Surgery department? The course description advertises, “Lunch provided.” If you are teaching a course about how fat everyone is, that takes one hour once a week, it shouldn’t have a lunch break.

SURG 69Q–It’s All in the Head: Understanding Diversity, Development, and Deformities of the Face (Helms & Brugman, 3-4 units)

This one wins the coveted “Least Appropriate Pun” award, dethroning last year’s winner, “Suck On This: An Oral History of Hard Candy in America.”

CEE 268–Groundwater Flow (Kitanidis, 3-4 units)

I’m still mad at these guys for stealing the name of my eco-conscious spoken word poetry collective.

COMPMED 103–Horse Medicine (Green, 2 units)

This is replacing the much less popular class offered last year entitled “Glue and Jell-o: How to Deal with an Unhealthy Horse Old Yeller-style.”

GSBGEN 315 — Strategic Communication (Schramm, 4 units)

When your class has a 300-word description concluding with the sentence “More details provided in the syllabus,” you are demonstrably unable to teach a class called “Strategic Communication.”

GSBGEN 34 –The Economics of Higher Education (Bettinger, 4 units)

There is only one session for this class. The professor arrives to class in a stretch limo, wearing a mink coat, coated in diamonds and platinum necklaces, walks up to the microphone, yells, “Suckas!” and leaves you with a newfound appreciation for the economics of higher education.

HISTORY 231S–Early Modern Things (Findlen, 4-5 units)

Part 2 of a two-part sequence with Late Antique Stuff.

HUMBIO 87Q–Women and Aging (Winograd, 5 units)

Proposed subtitle: “The Cougar Hunt.”

MUSIC 80T–Jewish Music in the Lands of Islam (Tchamni, 4 units)

Also known as “Shhh . . . keep that racket down, they’re going to hear us.”

PSYCH 146–Observation of Children (Lomangino & Hartman, 3-5 units)

Ladies and gentlemen, the creepiest class of the quarter.

PSYCH 266–Current Debates in Learning and Memory (Wagner, 1-3 units)

This would be a better class if the professor could remember any of the older debates in learning and memory.

PHYSICS 16–Cosmic Horizons (Romani, 3 units)

No Enchanted Broccoli Forest.

But that’s not all there is. In fact, there are a few worthwhile classes. Here is that list in its entirety:

ARTSTUDI 80–Color (Edmark, 3-4 units)

Feel the excitement.

FEMST 188N — Imagining Women: Writers in Print and in Person (Miner, 4 units)

Finally, a class in the feminist studies department where you are encouraged to have fantasies about women. Approve!

GEOPHYS 60N — Man versus Nature: Coping with Disasters Using Space Technology (Zebker, 4 units)

Screw coexisting! Enough with all this pro-environment bias in the curriculum — finally a class that has the balls to try to teach us how to defeat nature.

CLASSGEN 205B–The Semantics of Grammar (Devine, 2 units)

You’re probably thinking, “This sounds boring . . . grammar is boring — why should I care?” How about because the professor enters class on a zipline shouting, “Are you ready to learn about some grammar?!?!” into a megaphone, while the class mascot (that’s right, it has a mascot) the Conju-Gator fires off a T-shirt cannon? You will be excited by the passive voice.