This report covers a selection of crimes reported from Jan. 15 to Jan. 20 as recorded in the Stanford Police Department Public Bulletin.

A series of bike thefts and medical-related incidents occurred during this time.

Friday, Jan. 15

Between 1:50 p.m. and 2 p.m., three juveniles were cited and released for burglary at the Stanford Bookstore. The stolen property was listed in police records as “headsets, chips and can.” Kids these days.

At 1:05 a.m. at Nathan Abbott Way, an individual was cited and released for public intoxication.

Between 4:30 p.m. on Jan. 14 and 12:10 p.m. on this day, a locked bike was stolen from the bike rack outside Synergy.

At 10:50 p.m., an arrestee was cited and released for public intoxication at the Enchanted Broccoli Forest, shortly after becoming the one millionth person to be publicly intoxicated at the Enchanted Broccoli Forest.

Saturday, Jan. 16

Between 10 p.m. on Jan. 15 and 10 p.m. on this day, a locked bike was stolen from the bike rack outside Anderson House in Governor’s Corner.

An unknown suspect(s) entered a dorm room at Chi Theta Chi between 2 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. and stole a laptop computer.

Between 1 a.m. and 8 a.m., an unknown suspect entered Grove Mayfield and stole a monitor from the common living area.

Sunday, Jan. 17

At  12:25 a.m., a suspect punched a victim in the face at Sigma Chi. The victim sustained two small abrasions to his left cheek. The victim did not want to press charges at the time. The assaulter went home in shame to work on his right hook.

An individual was cited and released for petty theft at 3:45 p.m. at the Stanford Bookstore.

Tuesday, Jan. 17

At 3:45 p.m. outside the Arrillaga Alumni Center, a vehicle was towed and stored for being in a posted tow-away zone. The record states that the registered owner “picked up the vehicle before it was actually towed.” There can only be one explanation: the flux capacitor.

Over the holiday weekend, an unknown suspect entered the property management office of Encina Commons with a key and stole 15 computer monitors, a flatscreen television and a laptop docking station.

Wednesday, Jan. 20

At midnight, a large branch from a University-owned tree fell and did moderate damage to a vehicle parked in the Hoover Tower parking lot. The car’s owner reportedly had some “outstanding beef” with Thor.

At 1:25 a.m. at Robinson house, a student reported that a box of pistol cartridges accompanied her order of a computer monitor from Amazon. Stanford DPS will dispose of the property. It was also advised that the student learn the difference between the words “pistol” and “printer.”

Between 5:55 p.m. and 6:05 p.m., an unknown suspect stole an unattended laptop from a study desk on the third floor of Green Library in the East Wing.

At 8 p.m. at Tresidder Student Union, a person posing as a Stanford student approached the reporting party in order to entice the reporting party to make a large purchase of magazine subscriptions. The sale was almost made until the impostor tried to tack on a subscription to Cat Fancy magazine.

Between 9:30 p.m. and 11:59 p.m., an unknown suspect stole a wallet from a backpack at Arrillaga Sports and Recreation Center.