The first time I heard the term “walk of shame,” someone had to explain to me over and over again what it meant. I just did not get the concept and could not relate to it personally. The only possible reason for its invention in my mind was to make those people who did not get laid the night before feel slightly better about themselves, as if they did not have to suffer this “terrible” thing called “walk of shame” the morning after. But then the question becomes, how would they have known that it is terrible if they have never done it themselves?

I have never done a “walk of shame” either. To me the walk is not at all shameful, but triumphant. Frankly, it is hard to not bask in the glory of the victory of the night before. Just think: how many people would kill to be in your shoes! How they watched red-eyed when you took your conquest out of the party and into your nest. How they wished that they had gotten some action. The feeling of superiority resembles that of winning The Nobel Prize, except it occurs at a higher frequency. Yup, it’s only you, the one still dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and Calvin Klein jeans, and you, the one with sequined mini-dress and four-inch stilettos eating your pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, both of you who have beaten your peers in securing the privilege of surviving a night of scandalous pleasure.

In some ways for me, the mornings after are not just about triumph, but also productivity. Normally, after a weekend night partying, I get up sometime past noon, and by the time I feel awake and ready to start my day it is already 4 p.m. The mornings after are actually the most productive weekend mornings I have ever had at Stanford. I am never good at sleeping with others, so I tend to wake up at the brink of dawn (if I ever fell asleep).

One time, I got up as noiselessly as is possible with two people sharing a twin bed, got dressed, tiptoed outside and lightly slithered the door closed behind me. After getting out of his dorm, I felt a chill breeze embracing me as I watched the golden-red light expand in the horizon. As I took a deep breath, I knew that it was going to be a good day. I had a leisurely breakfast (something I usually never have time for). Then, passing by Green Library, I thought to myself, “Why don’t I start my PWR research?” So instead of sleeping through the day, I actually started researching! Before the morning was over, I even had time to get coffee with a friend in Town and Country to debrief on our conquests the night before. And as we analyzed my productivity curve, I realized that it really pays to start my day with some “pleasurable extracurriculars.”

Let’s face it: sex (at least good sex) makes us feel wonderful. It gives that sense of delight that comes from treating yourself calorie-free and guilt-free. Even if the “walk of shame” consists of figuring out, “Oh shit! What (or shall we say whom) did I do?!,” you are still among the lucky minority (at Stanford) who just GOT LAID last night! So, excuse your jealous friends who are commenting on your “walk of shame.” What they really mean is your walk of triumph, which puts them to shame. Besides, you are the best-dressed early-riser. So excuse them for still being in their sweats and PJs.  For the record, wearing just an American Flag on your body does count as being “well dressed – you really need to flaunt your American pride while waiting for a fire drill to end. But that’s a story for another day.
To get more tips on how to be the “best-dressed early-riser” or to tell Yanran about your “walk of triumph,” e-mail her at [email protected].