“Alice in Wonderland” made me mad as a hatter all right, and I’m not talking about being crazy. Expected to do extremely well at the box office and highly promoted for months, “Alice in Wonderland” is far from wonderful. Tim Burton’s movie interpretation of Lewis Carroll’s classic books, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass,” simply put, was just bad. I actually went to the movie with a bit of skepticism, fearing that it would suffer from over-hype, and even though I had low expectations, the film was still very disappointing. Not even Johnny Depp or the 3D visuals could save it.

The most egregious misfortune of the film is its storyline, which is utterly flat and predictable. It is almost as though Burton was so focused on the imagery and graphics (which aren’t even that great) that he forgot to read the books–big mistake. If you are 10 years old, than this film is probably incredibly entertaining; but for anyone older, it completely misses the mark. Carroll’s books were written for children, but also appeal to adults because they explore very interesting and complicated concepts. The books deal with themes of making the impossible possible and enjoying the freedom and imagination of youth, both ideas of which are dealt with in the film in a ridiculously shallow manner, if at all.

I realize that the creators were not trying to mimic the plot of the books; however, the essence of the stories was completely lost in order to dramatize and commercialize. Consequently, the story morphs into a laughable, epic tale dealing with a group of eccentrics looking for a hero to save them from the villain–complete with a fight scene, a bizarre romance and a dance sequence (yes, that says dance sequence). We’ve seen this plot a hundred times before, just this time it includes a girl named Alice, a Mad Hatter and a Red Queen.

I don’t know if it was just my pervading disappointment, but the attempted humor completely missed its mark. Maybe I didn’t get it, but if that’s the case, no one else in the theater did either–there was very little laughing. They were scenes that were written to be clever, but were simply poorly written. The jokes just didn’t translate. All of the characters, even the Mad Hatter (who for some unknown reason had a Scottish accent intermittently, traded off with a lisp), were not absurd enough. It is actually very unfortunate because this is Wonderland–a loony place where you can get away with being foolish and silly. It was oddly restrained. It’s Tim Burton for god sakes! Give me some crazy! While Carroll’s books are very zany and illogical, the movie is almost too methodical and makes too much sense. I didn’t feel like I escaped to Wonderland, I felt like I was dragged through BoringVille.

I could talk about the terrible screenplay for hours, but another problem with the movie is Alice. It could be the actress (a fresh-faced Mia Wasikowska) or it could be the way the character is written (I’d bet on that one), but either way she is far too passive and unremarkable. Alice is supposed to be a very curious, inquisitive and intrepid girl, but in the movie, she is blase and mellow. Throughout the film, Alice just goes with flow, barely showing any emotion, reaction, or concern. Strangely, she seems apathetic, almost like she was given a tranquilizer for the first half of the film. I wanted her to have just a little more vigor.

In this giant mess of terrible writing, ordinary characters and halfhearted enthusiasm, Helena Bonham Carter shines. I’ll admit, beyond this movie I am definitely a fan of hers, but as the Red Queen, she is a standout. She performs with just the right amount of dark humor and annoying tone, with a pinch of vulnerability, to pull off not only the best character, but also the best element the entire film has to offer. She knows how to do the crazy I wanted in the rest of the film.

When it comes to this last Burton children’s story remake, don’t believe the hype. The downfall of “Alice” is clearly bad writing, which even the visuals don’t make up for. Although I want to be entertained and engaged with effects and visuals, I also want to my movies to have substance. Unlike with recent openers such as “Dear John” or “Valentine’s Day,” I was hoping this movie could take Carroll’s works and create an incredibly original and intriguing piece. Instead, it took a classic and stomped on it, and then adding insult to injury with a miserable closing credits song performed by Avril Lavigne. This Hollywood, commercialized, Hot Topic-sponsored mess has absolutely nothing on the 1951 animated classic.