If you’ve been following the Stanford football team for the past few weeks, you’ve probably started to notice that the Cardinal is damn good this year. If you’ve actually been watching the games, you’ve probably been pretty bored.

Beating Sacramento State 52-17 to open the season was reassuring, but it wasn’t all that entertaining. Stanford’s 35-point beat-down of UCLA, in the Rose Bowl itself, was impressive, but not all that memorable.

And alas, Saturday’s late-night thrashing of the Wake Forest Demon Deacons was explosive, but the Cardinal’s 41-point first half left Stanford fans wondering if it was even worth staying around to watch the second act. Harbaugh pulled both the offensive and defensive starters out of the game early in the third quarter. And those Red Zoners who did stick around for all 10 renditions of “All Right Now” woke up with sore calf muscles Sunday morning.

Stanford’s season thus far has been heavy on touchdowns and low on intrigue. The good and bad news for Stanford fans is that the Cardinal likely isn’t done with the blowouts.

This weekend, Harbaugh and the boys have a road date with the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame. It’s possible Stanford fans will once again find themselves watching a game whose outcome has been sealed long before the final whistle blows. What the heck are you supposed to do when your team is too good?

I’m here to suggest some ways to stay entertained in the probable case of any future Stanford football blowouts. Think of a blowout like a long road trip: it’s all what you make of it.

Nitpick: If you’re going to watch a blowout, you may as well become a nitpicker. Be that douche bag. Any good Stanford nitpicker is still profoundly bothered by the fact that kicker Nate Whitaker missed two extra points on Saturday. Try to find a problem with the smallest of details, and use powerful language to convey your dissatisfaction to fellow fans. “Wow! Did you see how sloppy Luck’s footwork was on that drop?” you might complain to a friend.

Get ahead of yourself: This strategy requires a good imagination and access to a Stanford football schedule. And it’s not very hard. All you need to do is find someone who’s willing to listen to you project the results of every game the Cardinal plays this year. Do take caution, though: you might feel kind of stupid if Stanford ends up going 8-4 after you thoroughly analyzed the probable outcome of a Stanford-Ohio State Rose Bowl matchup.

Reminisce: If you’re feeling good about a dominant Stanford performance, you’ll feel even better when you remember that the Cardinal went 1-11 in 2006.

Find someone who has been around for awhile, e.g. Dean Julie, and have them explain something called “The Buddy Teevens Era.” You’ll swell with pride when you realize that the current Stanford team emerged from a dark, dark time. “Did you know that we used to punt on third down?” you’ll smartly mention to your other friend.

Gamble: For some people, the best way to treat a case of football boredom is to infuse some good ol’ gambling into the picture. According to www.betus.com, Stanford is a 4.5-point favorite over Notre Dame this weekend. Good luck. If that doesn’t do it for you, get specific. You can pretty much bet on anything these days. But don’t get carried away, you might wake up in a smoky Vegas backroom with a broken kneecap and a laundry list of regrets.

Hyperbole: When your team is winning a blowout, there have to be some fans who maintain a steady flow of positive hyperbole. A consistent flow of declarations such as “Richard Sherman is so sick!” and “Harbaugh might be smarter than that British guy who talks through that computer” will do the job.

The hard part about being Mr. Hyperbole is that you have to keep it up. There needs to be a constant stream of exaggeration in the seats, in the concession lines and in the bathrooms at any proper blowout. You can’t let your fellow fans forget that their team is really, really, really good.

But even all of the aforementioned techniques get boring after a while. Here’s to hoping that we Stanford faithful have the privilege of watching a close game at some point. Stanford plays at No. 5 Oregon in two weeks. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be close.

Jack Duane wants to be “that douche bag.” Challenge him to a hyperbole battle at [email protected].