DO’s and DOO-DOO’s: Breaking the Stanford Bubble!

Opinion by Chase Ishii
Oct. 20, 2011, 12:28 a.m.

DO’s and DOO-DOO’s: Breaking the Stanford Bubble!Here’s this week’s hot advice!

DO: Break the Stanford Bubble.

DOO-DOO: Poop in someone else’s toilet…

I trekked across the Bay to spend a night in the fascinating world of Berkeley last weekend. Now before you sharpie “traitor” over my face, burn the newspaper and piss on the ashes (I’m not sure what the equivalent of disrespectful vandalism would be for Internet readers. Maybe turn me into a “WTF?!?!” gif?), please allow me to make my view of Berkeley perfectly clear. I hate the school of Berkeley, but I rather enjoy the city of Berkeley. (To be honest, I don’t really hate Berkeley minus the unspeakable 2009 Big Game. But I am trying to encourage a healthy rivalry. So…suck it, Cal.)

Some of my high school friends from the L.A. area had traveled up for USC’s Weekender game against Cal, so I hopped on CalTrain to BART for a mini reunion. (You may be wondering where my reluctant cheering landed for such a game, considering I have an honest dislike for all things USC. I was cheering for some anomaly in our logical universe to emerge, allowing both teams to lose. The same thing I cheer for whenever the Yankees play the Red Sox.)

We had a party at my friend’s house off campus, and it was extremely enjoyable. I got to catch up with old friends. I got to meet boat people from all over California who were there for some giant sailing race called a “regatta.” I mistook regatta for ricotta, so when they kept saying, “I drove here from San Diego for the regatta,” I kept looking around the house for some amazing Italian cheese that was apparently worth a seven-hour drive.

But the highlight of my night was hands-down getting to crack the case of The Poop Intruders (aka the Dookie Duo)! (Those of you that have emailed me complaining about the lack of poop jokes in a column titled “Doo-Doo’s,” well, this dump’s for you.) Apparently two girls had drunkenly broken into the Cal women’s soccer team’s house next door (while they were inside), locked the soccer team out of their own bathroom and then escaped out the window to find the refuge of anonymity in our party filled with random boat people.

The soccer girls were furious and threatened to call the cops on the party if the situation wasn’t rectified (more like rectum-fied…lolz!). A few of us went back to their house with the intent of climbing back through the window and unlocking the door, hoping that would be the end of things. But once in the bathroom, shit hit the fan. Literally. (Just kidding, not literally. But that would’ve been awesome.) The two intruders had left a message…in the form of a rather large dookie floating in the middle of the bowl. A senseless crime? Perhaps. A scent-less crime? By no means.

The party became a witch-hunt. My friends and I had some fun popping up in various areas around the room and proudly proclaiming in our best Spartacus voice, “I am the pooper!” The whole ordeal turned into a bizarre and unforgettable night, and it only could have happened because of my journey to Berkeley.

One of the best ways to get the most out of your Stanford experience is to get away from Stanford. (It’s paradoxical, so it must be true!) Get off campus, if possible, on a regular basis.

“But, Chase, there’s always something going on here. I love it here. Why would I want to leave?” Because Stanford is not the real world. Part of the college experience is preparing for the real world, and this is not the real world. Minimum wage isn’t eleven dollars an hour. There isn’t as much appreciation or tolerance for diversity. There are people that may have never heard of your major (I’m looking at you, Symbolic Systems). The real world isn’t seen through cardinal-colored glasses.

But the real world is a lot more interesting. There’s a Stanford bubble that we are well aware of. When I go to shows in San Francisco once a month, there’s an emo/hardcore music bubble to explore. There’s another at my church in Menlo Park every Sunday. And another down south at UC-Santa Cruz. There’s an entire exciting world to explore and interesting people to meet, but it requires getting away from Stanford.

Most of us are here at Stanford because we intend to change the world in some way or another, but that requires being part of that world. That requires breaking the Stanford Bubble.

If you need a reason or excuse to get off campus (especially if you’re a cute girl and want to get dinner), email Chase at ninjaish “at” stanford “dot” edu.

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