Most people at Stanford would agree that that the issues of rape and sexual assault are serious matters; however, that doesn’t mean they are above becoming punch lines for jokes on campus. Similarly, jokes involving the Holocaust, dead babies and Helen Keller are made all the time; they are funny precisely because they are matters that should not be joked about.

But people making jokes about rape bother me in a way that no joke about the Holocaust ever has. This is because rape is a problem that happens in our community on campus every day. Jokes about rape also become more personal — they are often about a certain person getting assaulted or position the people making the jokes as rapists. Additionally, although not always a joke, the word “rape” has become a general colloquialism used to describe all manner of situations that have nothing to do with sex. So although I know that just using the word rape casually does not mean that someone condones it and I do find humor in joking about things I would never actually do, using this kind of language in a college environment like Stanford is dangerous. I mean that in a literal sense. One in four women will get raped or assaulted during her time in college, often by men. (Men are sexually assaulted as well, but in much lower proportions.) This means that you undoubtedly know someone who has been or will be raped while at Stanford. Because it’s not something that’s talked about often, it can be impossible to know which of your friends has been personally affected by this. Hearing a joke about rape may be incredibly painful or triggering to them, even if you can’t see it and they are laughing along with everyone else. By making jokes and using language that turns rape into a lighthearted or funny subject, a climate is created that downplays the seriousness of rape and makes it harder for victims to speak out about their experiences or to get help. Having a space where there can be open discourse about rape is important for working towards eliminating rape on campus; making light of it inhibits open dialogue and prevents people from feeling safe enough to engage in these conversations.

Additionally, it is consistently shown that men who are rapists believe that most other men also rape, but they just hide it better. One in twenty college-aged men will admit to having raped someone on anonymous surveys. So it is likely that in addition to knowing someone who has been deeply affected by a rape, you probably know people who are raping others. So when you are making jokes involving rape and casually using the word to describe that test you just failed, rapists hear this as validation that they are not alone. By normalizing the word, it suggests to them that raping others is a common experience and that their behavior is acceptable.

A striking example of this is a video that resulted from an improv show in New York City. An audience member stands up to recount a humorous story from his life to inspire an improv scene. Unfortunately the story he tells is one in which he enters the room of a drunk woman against her will and has sex with her even though she repeatedly tells him to leave. The shocking thing about this video is not that he is admitting to raping someone (without using that terminology and understanding of his actions), but that he is telling this as a humorous anecdote, one that he has told many times before. To him and his friends, this is a funny story about him getting laid against all odds. To this man, coercing someone into sex becomes a punch line and it is clear, through watching his reactions during the video, that he hears the laughter of others as validation of his actions. The fact that he has grown up in an environment where people around him make jokes about rape, even if they would never rape anyone, has contributed to him seeing his actions as fully acceptable and not morally questionable in the least, and allowed him to stand up in front of a room of a few hundred strangers and tell this story without a second thought.

Chances are, you know someone like him who has coerced someone into having sex. In fact, the person that you know is probably more socially aware than he is and not stupid enough to tell a whole room about his conquests. So don’t contribute to him normalizing rape. And don’t contribute to furthering the trauma of rape victims. Even though they’re oh-so-tempting and can be funny, if you don’t condone rape, don’t condone people making jokes about it.

Let Jamie know your thoughts on the subject by emailing her at jamiesol “at” stanford “dot” edu.