Are you more awkward than a vampire?

Dec. 2, 2011, 12:59 a.m.
Are you more awkward than a vampire?
Courtesy of MCT

With the recent release of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1,” it’s clear that the Twilight phenomenon is still gripping the nation. Still, one can’t help but notice the many awkward moments in the film–from falling in love with a friend’s newborn baby to destructive vampire sex–and the characters’ often even more awkward reactions. Wondering how you would react to these situations? Are you just as awkward as Bella or smooth as Jacob’s abs? Take our quiz to find out.


1) Your best friend and love of your life is considering having life-threatening sex with his/her undead lover. Like any best friend/wannabe lover, you feel it’s your duty to warn him/her. What is the best place and method to do so?

A. Calmly voicing your opinions and concerns either in a private conversation in person or via telephone

B. Screaming your warning in front of his/her spouse

C. Screaming your warning at his/her wedding

D. Both B and C


2) It’s the night before your wedding to the love of your life. What do you do?

A. Go to your perfectly normal (read: no killing of animals) Bachelor/Bachelorette party, obviously.

B. Ask pointed questions about your future spouse’s sexual history and bachelor/bachelorette party plans.

C. Wait for him/her in his/her bedroom (uninvited) and tell him/her about your mysterious past.

D. After showing up in his/her bedroom, unannounced, unload all the details of your tragic past, including your stint as a murderous vampire, and any other deal-breakers you can think of. Serial killing’s no big deal if it’s just a phase, right?


3) Time for a wedding speech! How do you keep it classy?

A. Warmly congratulate the bride and groom and add a funny anecdote or two.

B. Use to the speech to subtly allude to your own accomplishments or express jealousy that you are not getting married right out of high school.

C. Sing the bride/groom’s favorite nursery rhyme. Romantic, and decidedly not creepy.

D. Allude to your immortal nature and announce your plans to spend forever together, even though most of the guests are not vampires and your talk of eternal soul-bonding will just sound tacky.


Are you more awkward than a vampire?
Courtesy of MCT

4) Your wedding night has arrived! How do you go about getting down?

A. Sip champagne in a fancy hotel room.

B. Go skinny-dipping. Romantic and playful!

C. Go skinny-dipping, alone, while waiting for your spouse to freshen up. Nothing says romance like chaste separation!

D. Retreat to the bathroom to brush your teeth and shave your legs because your spouse who just pledged eternal love will no longer love you if you have stubblies.


5) You wake up following a night of passion to find your hotel room in shambles. How do you react?

A. Freak out and hire a divorce lawyer.

B. Embrace your spouse’s kinky side but look into getting some sturdy furniture for your future home.

C.  Awkwardly ask, “Was it good for you?”

D. Ignore the fact your body is covered in nasty bruises and insist it was the best night of your life.


6) The maid arrives and finds the aforementioned, now-destroyed hotel room. What do you tell her?

A. Make up some excuse and apologize profusely.

B. Explain that the furniture was not sturdy enough for your, ahem, gallivanting, and apologize.

C. Avoid the maid as she cleans but leave a large tip for her.

D. Make eye contact with the maid, but don’t explain what happened. Slink away and laugh with your spouse about it in the next room.


7) You find out that your best friend is endangering her life by carrying a monster-baby to term. How do you cope?

A. Accept her decision and try and support them.

B. Try to talk her out of it by explaining that most pregnancies don’t include bone-breaking, excruciating pain, starvation and blood-drinking.

C. Try to scream her out of it, and plan on storming out dramatically if unsuccessful. Consider ripping off your shirt in fury to drive home your point.

D. Tell a bunch of ravenous animals who already distrust your friend about the scenario and see how they react. Act surprised when they decide to kill your friend.


8 ) Your life is in danger. Do you tell your parents?

A. Of course! They care about me and would want to be by my side.

B. Maybe. You don’t want to freak them out, but realize they should probably know.

C. Probably not. You were never close and you figure you’ll get over this whole monster-pregnancy thing in a few weeks anyway.

D. Definitely no. You lie to your parents and tell them you’re going to a spa in Switzerland so they don’t get worried–because you do that kind of thing all the time.


9) Your wife just gave birth to a monster-baby and is lying in bed, dying. What do you do?

A. Rush her to a hospital to be treated by properly trained doctors after weeks of home remedies–receiving a blood transfusion would probably be wiser than drinking blood at this point.

B. Run to her side and make someone call for an ambulance. Try to keep her conscious.

C. Trust your doctor-dad to know what to do, and in the meantime perform CPR–because that will help with the blood loss.

D. Fondle the monster-baby for a few minutes before noticing your wife is dying, and then bite her in various places in an attempt to turn her into an immortal vampire.


10) You’re seeing your best friend’s monster-baby for the first time. What do you do?

A. Bring a nice gift for the bundle of joy.

B. Hold the baby politely and try not to panic when it starts crying.

C. Congratulate your friend but avoid holding the thing.

D. Envision your future together with the baby and fall in love. It’s not creepy if the baby’s nearly an adult in my fantasies, right?


Scoring Guide:

A: 1 point

B: 2 points

C: 3 points

D: 4 points



10-15 points: Social Savant

When life throws crazy events at you, from vampire weddings to weird pregnancies to monster-babies, you handle it all with grace and humor. You’re decidedly bereft of Twilight-style awkwardness. Keep on keeping it classy.


16-25 points: Slightly awkward

You have your awkward moments, but you generally know how to keep weird situations from becoming completely overblown.


26-35 points: Jacob-level awkward

You tend to have unexpected outbursts or awkward responses to strange events, but your heart is generally in the right place. You might have trouble functioning in daily life, but your rock-hard abs generally make things easier for you.


36-40 points: Bella-level awkward

You possess levels of awkwardness that have rarely been rivaled in all of human society. Much akin to Bella, you make odd situations unbearable with your weird responses and self-destructive tendencies. That you’ve made it functionally to adulthood is an achievement in itself.

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