If only landing a job, stealing identities and choosing baby-daddies could be so glamorous. The fifth season of “Gossip Girl” has turned the disappointment of last season’s Serena-obsessed train-wreck into a delightful reverie of the main cast moving up in society–except for Dan, of course. Oh Lonely Boy.

 

Thanks to the unwelcomed and ill-received publication of Dan’s social satire, “Inside,” all of the characters fizzling out in season three have caught new flame, and in case the unobservant viewer didn’t quite grasp the purpose of that failed novel, Serena spells it out as the plot driver to fuel change. And we like the change.

 

We feared Nate, arguably the cutest of the Upper East Siders, would find a fate similar to his previous flings Jenny and Vanessa, written off in exile. He feared it, too. So, yeah, he had to sleep his way to the top, and even that was arranged by Grandfather van der Bilt, but hey, if it guaranteed full control over a major publication and a corner office, we’d take that GSB class.

 

But Nate isn’t the only one with a new job. After a season-long documentation of Serena’s acumen for affairs, she thankfully finds herself in the background as a media intern. Again. However, Serena repeating her PR job with a new boss isn’t as surprising as her apparent competency at her tasks. Somewhere between Serena’s non-affair with her Columbia professor and Dan’s excoriation, Serena either determined she needed to turn her life around or the writers realized just how boring the blonde had become. We’re betting on the latter, and with thanks.

 

With Serena out of the way and Blair wrapped up in the usual “Should I be with Chuck!?!?” routine, “Gossip Girl” has presented us with a gift in Charlie Rhodes, aka Ivy Dickens, aka Season Saver. Despite her annoying existence last season, always bashfully attempting to demystify Serena’s “world,” this second blonde installment has proved an interesting character of her own. Yeah, we’re pretty tired of all the other blonde characters saying things like, “You’re a Rhodes now!” and “Rhodes girls stick together!” as if it means something, but we’re willing to pay that price to live vicariously through Charlie. Unlike Vanessa’s smug disapproval, Jenny’s insatiable social climbing and Dan somewhere in-between, Charlie possesses that outsider innocence with genuine appreciation for family and privilege. And with Max at her heels and caution thrown to the wind, Charlie promises to excite and deliver a season of duplicity and scandal reminiscent of the Constance days. Sigh.

 

Though we can long for those past days of Met-steps tiffs and Chuck-and-Blair lechery, the writers have comforted us with a familiar favorite: well-dressed debutantes in hospital waiting rooms. The season hiatus capped off with a political car crash leaving Chuck in critical condition and viewers gasping for closure. We’ve seen this before. After Serena’s overdose, Bart’s car crash, Serena’s car crash and Eric’s stint in the asylum, we’ve grown used to seeing concerned Upper East Siders sporting gowns near patients.

 

Luckily, the fear of Chuck’s death after his reconciliation with Blair and his agreement to father her bastard royal child is enough to keep us watching. And if that’s not enough, photos of Blair in her wedding whites and a CW teaser trailer of Blair hitting the prayer bench up the ante for “The End of an Affair?”, airing Jan. 16. We’ll be tuning in.