Let’s talk about entitlement. (I had about three paragraphs of witty humor and background on the issue of piracy – including a killer Sir Francis Drake joke – to provide a topical and relevant introduction before I pulled the ol’ bait-and-switch, as usual, but due to my limited word count, I was forced to reduce those paragraphs to this one, long, most likely run-on explanatory sentence.)

 

We all place expectations upon others and ourselves which color the way we operate and behave throughout the day. These expectations become our normative standard for what is fair and deserved. If I give the lady at Chipotle $6.55 plus tax, and she gives me a delicious steak quesarrito (quesadilla + burrito) then everything is kosher (well, at least in the non-Jewish sense of the word; I’m not sure by what dietary laws Chipotle prepares their meat).

 

But expectations and entitlement become messier than a delicious steak quesarrito when we view it within the context of relationships. Everyone has their own subjective expectations of reality that create their definition of fair and deserving. European imperialists may have understood their actions in the 19th century as fair. (The “take-what-is-yours” mentality is extremely appealing when you are the one that defines what is “yours.”)

 

And this is the problem. We’ve been imprisoned within in a world of entitlement. Some fail to see the doors are locked. Others fail to see the bars at all. But we all, to some degree or another, have become slaves to our own sense of fairness and what we believe we deserve. I would argue that living your life according to fairness and entitlement, for both yourself and others, is captivity rather than freedom.

 

I see a great example in romantic relationships. Let’s say one person gives loving gestures, reaches a certain level of honest vulnerability or even lets the other person’s mistakes slide over and over. These are very normal and necessary things to maintain a relationship, and if they are done purely out of love and appreciation, everything is fine. But, sometimes they are done less out of love and more out of an unspoken expectation that things will be reciprocated – because that is what is fair. The first person will begin to feel they deserve the actions to be reciprocated, and if they are not, then the person grows resentful.

 

Ultimately, our desire to always get what we deserve is an attempt to grasp an illusion of control on the world around us. If I study so many hours, then I will get a good grade, because that is what I deserve. If I sacrifice my time helping others or go to church or am a good person, then good things will happen to me, because that is what I deserve. But it is just an illusion of control.

 

I have a good friend from high school that was recently involved in a serious car accident. Broken bones, collapsed lung, internal bleeding and signs of brain damage. He didn’t deserve that. He was a great person, but regardless of moral characteristics, no 21-year-old deserves that. No person deserves that. But it happened. Beyond anything that he or I or anyone could control, it happened.

 

Suddenly, even the little things seem like a blessing – an act of grace.

 

I believe there is a world free of entitlement – if only for moments and instances at a time. If I wake up every day feeling entitled to a certain career, a certain quality of friends and a certain level of happiness for whatever reason, then anything less is the taunting cry of dissatisfaction.

 

But, if I wake up everyday and tear up the scorecard of the things I’ve done and the things I deserve, then the act of waking up in itself is already more than I am entitled. Everything else is icing on the cake. The good things are that much better, and the bad things don’t seem as bad. I can do the really hard things, like forgiving and being grateful and sacrificing and loving in the most difficult of times. You know, the things that are worthwhile – the things that are, by definition, unfair.

 

I have the words “nothing is alright” written on the cover of the journal I carry. Sometimes “nothing is alright” is my answer to how things are going with the world, and sometimes, if I’m lucky, “nothing is alright” is my answer to what I am expecting of the world. In the end, we are beggars all…

 

And ladies, Chase knows that you’re begging for his love. In this case, he thinks reciprocation is fair. So why not email him at [email protected]?