So you get into The Princeton Review’s No. 1 dream school, you ship off to sunny California and you dip into life as a true Stanford student, hoping to continue the ill-fated Leland Stanford Junior’s legacy. And after logging into Axess, there’s only one thing left to do: complain. But the educated and elite don’t just rattle off grumbles and gripes like any run-of-the-mill college kid. This week’s Top 5 will let you know how to complain in perfect Stanford style.
Stanford dining
Perhaps the first thing you do as a Stanford freshman, before Band Run or Big Game or even that first bedazzling Full Moon, will be to complain about dining. Sure, you’ll like it at first, maybe even revel in the copious pizza and “fresh fruit” (bananas!). But after a while, you’ll notice Stern’s always serving some pasta with dubious pesto overtones, and then not even Arrillaga’s ceramic plates will be enough to revive your stomach for Stanford R&DE. Or at least that’s what you’ll tell your friends.
The weather
Stanford students may have coined the backdoor brag for the purpose of complaining about the weather here. Often congesting Facebook newsfeeds, talk of 70-degree weather in February and wishing for “seasons” reminds us of how great we have it. But unless you hail from the Northeast, in which case you will complain about the complainers, prepare yourselves to grouse any time the mercury dips below 68.
Dating
True facts: Stanford students don’t date–there are only four-year relationships and random hookups. This phenomenon rings so true, they put it in “The Real World” to try to convince us otherwise. From hopeful freshmen to bitter seniors, find this beef on every Stanford complainer’s platter.
The Draw
They don’t call it draw-ma for nothing. Does it make sense? Did Condoleezza Rice invent the draw as a package deal with IHUM to ruin the freshman experience without having to resort to waterboarding? How did you end up in a West Campus house when you wanted an East Campus dorm? Thank the Draw for scapegoating your complaining about housing, which you really use to complain about your lack of social life.
Fuzzies/Techies
Whether it’s administrators complaining about the fuzzy/techie divide, techies complaining about p-sets or fuzzies complaining about techies laughing at their “work”, the entire thing perpetuates a whirlpool of grievances around itself. Whatever major or vocation you choose, there is somewhere on the fuzzy/techie spectrum of whining that will suit your venting needs. If not, you can always argue about whether or not HumBio is techie.