College is one of the few times in your life when work and social environments completely overlap and you’re expected to automatically bond with everyone you come into contact with. With the friendliest season upon us, coinciding with final round interviews, it can be difficult to navigate the decorum appropriate for Exotic Erotic versus Wilbur Field tanning versus that first Google pod nap. Read on for the cardinal rules on which subjects shouldn’t be discussed until further familiarity.
“I don’t like animals.”
In a city where it’s not uncommon to spot poodles in Neiman’s and Savannah cats in Bloomies, you can bet most people will suspect foul play if you suggest you’re not actually obsessed with their furry friend. They will hold it against you. If it comes up, just say you’re scared of animals. It’s easier to stomach. And the vegans may even forgive your misguided or PTSD-induced phobia. Either that or point you toward the Comm department for some virtual reality therapy.
“I haven’t showered in [X number] of days…”
This probably goes without saying, but if you’re that dirty, chances are they can already smell you. Don’t draw attention to it. Plus, with a little dry shampoo and spray-on deodorant, you might be able to fool some people. Heck, with a “sun’s out, guns out” philosophy, you may just be able to blame your stale appearance and au naturale odor on all the “outdoorsy” activity you’ve been wrangling.
“I broke so many laws last weekend…”
Don’t let the tutu or the leather pants fool you. Are you familiar with “21 Jump Street”? The strangers you just met could very well be undercover police officers. And even though some Daily writers may even be so badass as to have warrants out for their arrests (albeit for unpaid biking tickets), some weekend memories are best left to the imagination and legal record.
“Let me share my religious beliefs with you.”
We have “God” on our money, so we will not be claiming a separation of church and state. But, in general, if you bring it up, people will think you’re trying to convert them. Which is actually pretty offensive, because you don’t know anything about the state of their soul. They could be Gandhi.
“I don’t like Beyonce.”
See number one. Everyone loves Beyonce. What’s not to love about this singing, dancing, acting, rags-to-riches golden girl? And she’s a mother. Blue Ivy Carter can’t even walk yet, and she already has a strain of marijuana named after her. There’s a good chance if you say this to someone, they aren’t going to let you finish.