Top 5: Ways to Beat the Heat

May 11, 2012, 12:40 a.m.

JFK talked about it in a letter. We came to Stanford for it. We backdoor brag about it to our East Coast friends all the time. And now it’s oppressive. Yeah – we’re talking about the heat. And now that it feels like full-fledged summer in this so-called spring quarter and the administration seems to be installing new pools – we mean fountains – left and right, it’s time we decide just where to dip our toes. Here are Intermission’s Top 5 ways to beat the heat.

It’s 85 degrees. Do you know where your sleeves are?

One may think, at first, that bro tanks are simply a fashion statement, letting people know you’re hip yet laid back, with it yet not too uptight. Indeed, the bro-tanker lives by the motto, “Sun’s out, guns out.” But these days, bro tanks aren’t just a sign of the chic or solstice, but a necessity for all those fated to brave the heat-soaked California air. Clever saying optional.

Fountain Shopping

Similar to but not the same as fountain hopping, fountain shopping allows you to dip into the cool waters of the many Stanford oases without the nausea induced from soggy jogging from fountain to fountain. Fountain hopping, designed to invigorate more than to alleviate the heat, is better suited for fall quarter when you are wont to explore new things, especially with your freshman dorm. Instead, to beat the heat, park your bathing-suited self in just one fountain and enjoy the disc tossing and tightrope walking of this jubilant campus. Perhaps the new college campusy-looking one that replaced that eyesore behind Terman Engineering will cool your jets.

Computer Cluster Camping

Somehow Stanford manages to continuously build and rebuild huge dining halls and gyms and centers for contemplation, but can’t spare a bit for some air conditioning. If the open window, portable fan and squirt gun just aren’t doin’ it for ya, camping out in the one air-conditioned room in the house will just have to do. And even if it’s just one step away from becoming a total study shut-in, at least there’s Internet, right?

Coupa Café’s New Gelato Bars

If you, like some of us Intermission writers, are not actually obsessed with hot beverages, then putrid weather is your treat – a chance to finally escape all the requests to get Peet’s or Philz or Coupa. Unless, of course, you’re stopping by Coups – an affectionate nickname for the abbreviation-inclined – to get one of their new, hip gelato bars, aka swanky popsicles. The Bar Gelato by Naia, as it calls itself, comes in really cool flavors like burnt caramel, St. George spirits single malt and pomegranate sorbetto. Try every flavor, and turn down the temp from inside out.

Carmelo Anthony

There it is, there it is. With a “Beat the Heat” article, how could we not make a pun about the Miami Heat? We don’t know much about sports, but we know that last week Carmelo Anthony of the New York Knicks (that’s the one with Jeremy Lin) put up a 3-pointer with less than a minute left, and neither D-Wade nor LeBron James could salvage the game. Bummer.

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