You want to start this quarter off right: get in with all the professors you’ve got ICs (intellectual crushes) on, make some new pals, memorize the library hours so you know when to switch from Green to sketchy Meyer overnights. We love being good students, too, so follow these five steps to at least give the illusion of being the best.
Sit in the front
Despite their Nobel Prizes and multiple bestsellers, Stanford professors are people too, and they don’t want to be ostracized. So go keep them company at the front of the lecture hall! Go for the second row. First row is too aggro. They’ll be still be able to smell your grape-scented resume.
Be the Thinking Matters kid
Upperclassmen: Read “The PWR Kid.” Everyone knows the PWR Kid, who would go off on far-reading tangents during section and force his/her interpretation on the class. There’s some good in it, though, when this kid unites the class against him/her and creates some interesting moments of power struggling with the teaching fellows. So, take one for the team and play the role no one else wants!
Ask questions
Ask lots of questions when you don’t understand things. Ask questions to show how smart you are. Also, make sure to ask questions after every sentence the professor says, just so that she doesn’t gallop down her notes without a dilatory glance to the class. Her go-go juice is gonna help you lose.
Go to office hours
To really get to know your professor, go to their office hours. Sometimes they get lonely – not in the Harold Bloom sense you filthy bugger! – especially if no one else has questions for them or wants to show up at 9 a.m. on a Friday. Before you go, make sure to buy the professor’s books so you can get them autographed. We recommend Tobias Wolff’s works; almost as riotous as Tobias Funke. Try to get to know him by asking questions about everything in the office, especially framed photographs. Then offer to take his pet dogs on a walk! Forget about trying to get references, this is the best kind of networking – an instant assistance position.
Email your professor
It’s important to stay in contact with your prof. You should definitely email them about logistical questions. Professors love getting emails, especially about things that are already on the syllabus. Stray from texting though, and remember that there is NO situation when a winky face doesn’t mean DTF.