Last Tuesday I was making my weekly phone calls to friends and family. After talking to my mother I immediately punched in the number for my grandmother. The alien voice on the other end told me the number was no longer in service. It was then that I remembered that my grandma had died about a week before. Throughout the hustle and bustle of week two I never realized that I would be making one less call every week.
What I did realize is that the person who made the greatest impact in my life just isn’t going to pick up the phone again. She helped me travel the world. She taught me to be open minded, to experience things and to care about injustice. She showed me how to love others and myself. Yeah, she’s dead, and that sucks because much of the man I am today is her doing. There are some debts in life we cannot repay, but are happy to carry. Such was my relationship with her. As kids we’re told to fear monsters and boogie men while really the only pain in life is parting. The only times I’ve been afraid is during goodbyes, because only God knows their finality.
Should we be sad when we lose people? Of course, but we should realize that if it hurts now that’s only because we shared something truly special in the past. Moreover, people never really leave us. Before my grandma died she promised that she’d always be with me. Maybe you don’t buy into the whole afterlife idea, but the lessons she taught are going to stay. They’ll mean something. And when the time comes, I’ll tell my daughters about how they should aspire to be as strong as their great-grandmother.
Now, I’m not writing all this for catharsis or sympathy – that would be a little selfish on my end. What I want to remind you is that truly great people don’t have to pass through this world with pomp and procession. Fantastic individuals, filled with love and compassion, pass virtually unmarked every day. There will be no Nobel Peace Prize to remember them. There will be no statues, nor memorials. There will be little more than a grieving family and a modest headstone.
That doesn’t diminish who they are, or how meaningful their lives were, so long as we realize that greatness comes in all forms. My grandmother was, without hyperbole, a fierce friend, a loving mother, a hard worker, a generous soul, and a faithful wife. She was a positive influence on nearly everyone she met, and was constantly decades ahead of her time. I can think of no higher calling than to love those closest to you, without condition or pretense, as she did.
In your life, you may be concerned with wealth, or fame, or power, or fortune. These are high aspirations and by no means make you a bad person. However, never think those things are what qualify you as a great person, because they don’t. Great people aren’t concerned with the vanities of fame – those come if they come. Great people are in the business of love and honesty. They love those around them without affliction, and care deeply about their wards.
Therefore, if you want to be a great person, heed this: Great people are servants first. They realize that the world doesn’t owe them anything – they owe their talents and selves to make sure that those around them go to bed filled, loved and cared for. Fortunately, I was there in my grandma’s final days. She used her life to serve well, and died happy for it. Love is something to which we can all aspire, even in our small, albeit sunny, corner of the world.
This week I humbly ask you to call your grandmother, or your father, or your daughter, because one day there will be no answer on the other end of that line. You’ll have little left save the lessons they passed on, because you are their record in the world. When questioned about death I recall Tolkien’s famous words, “not all tears are an evil.”
Contact Chris at [email protected].