With Full Moon on the Quad behind us, there’s no shortage of illness going around campus. Sniffles, fever, rhinovirus – you name it, and guaranteed someone has it. The worst, and probably most ubiquitous, symptom of post-Full Moon on the Quad (FMOTQ) plague, though, is coughing.

It’s loud, disruptive, disgusting and, most of all, awkward when it comes to trying to study. There are some places on campus that are better than others at accommodating coughers, while there are others you should probably avoid at all costs if you’ve been struck by the urge to expel your sickness every two minutes.

5. Old Union

Between the thump of music coming from The Axe and Palm, the study groups and ESPN on the flat-screen TVs, no one will complain if you have a coughing fit every so often. Just take a seat far away from others and avoid coughing into any French fries.

4. Meyer Library

This one’s probably slightly less forgiving than Old Union, but if you mix yourself in with the students in the Digital Language Lab, there’s not much of a problem. Better yet, park yourself in the lobby, where you can step outside if you feel an attack coming on.

3. Green Library East Wing

The dangerous territory for invalids begins here. Sticking to the first floor is probably safe – you’ll be protected by conversations at the check-out desk, bag searches and entering students – but heading upstairs and into the stacks will make you unpopular with anyone trying to work in the silent cubicles.

2. Green Library Bing Wing, Lane Reading Room

Really take a hard look at your life decisions if you try to study in the Arts and Humanities Reading Room in Bing. It’s bad enough when a chair squeaks in here, but a 30-second coughing episode will blast throughout the massive space and probably turn quite a few heads. Plus, it will all happen under the gaze of Stanford’s past presidents. If that’s not bad enough, keep in mind that nothing makes you feel worse than when people who are at your table physically get up and relocate while you’re sitting there coughing up a lung.

1. Green Library Bing Wing, Bender Room

Probably best not to even enter if you think you might cough at all. If you do choose to brave the embarrassment, just know that the onslaught of glares may make you crawl away in tears if you’re the one disrupting the tranquility of this fifth-floor study oasis.

Contact Fiona Noonan at [email protected].