Earlier today, Stanford Athletics announced its new “Coach-For-A-Day” marketing strategy aimed at improving the attendance at men’s basketball games. This revolutionary promotion will allow one lucky fan at every home game to coach the team at its next game.
The move comes on the heels of a series of bold marketing moves by the Athletics Department to foster greater fan involvement and dedication, including the decision to install a series of spin bikes in the student section for the Arizona State game on Jan. 23.
“I can’t believe I’m finally going to get to coach this team for a day,” said longtime Cardinal superfan Jerod Haase, the promotion’s first fortuitous winner. “It’s been my dream to represent this school for over 25 years. I can’t believe it’s finally coming true.”
Haase will receive the honor of coaching the team in its first home game after being awarded the honor over local first grader Andre Luck, who hosted his sixth birthday party at Maples Pavilion, and the Stanford Tree, which was deemed to have an unfair advantage because it is required to be at all home games anyway.
“I’m really excited about this new strategy,” said athletic director Bernard Muir. “We had such a positive experience after the stadium SoulCycle event that we decided to up our game. I’m so happy it’s working out.”
Haase was selected for this special opportunity at a promotion during the last game of the 2016 season, but it remained a secret until after today’s private announcement to the players.
Although the team at first seemed shocked with this novel coaching idea, the players appear cautiously excited to see where it will take them.
“We’re really just looking to take it to the next level, like the women’s team,” said sophomore power forward Michael Humphrey. “If this will help us get as many banners in Maples as they have, then I’ll take it.”
Sophomore Reid Travis shares Humphrey’s feelings.
“I mean, things can’t exactly get too much worse,” said Travis following the announcement. “There’s nowhere to go but up… right?”
Editor’s note: This article was published as part of The Daily’s April Fool’s Day edition and is completely fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.