In a highly controversial move, the Stanford football team skipped a team spring practice yesterday to attend the famous girl band Fifth Harmony’s concert at Shoreline Amphitheater, just a week before the team’s scheduled Cardinal & White Spring Game on April 9.
With question marks up and down the depth chart and notable position battles at quarterback, linebacker and on both lines, the move was especially dismaying to head coach David Shaw.
“I’m disappointed in our guys,” he said. “I showed up at the field today and the only guy out there was [long snapper] C.J. Keller, just snapping away.
“I said, ‘C.J, where are the guys?’ And he responded, ‘I don’t know, Coach, but I heard some of them screaming in Mirrielees about a concert this morning.’”
The act was a surprise for a team that is heralded for its discipline and work ethic, although signs that something was awry were plenty. The team was reportedly blaring “Worth It” all week in the weight room, according to strength and conditioning coach Shannon Turley, and quarterbacks coach Tavita Pritchard noted that his unit had been humming the tune to “Work From Home” in drills.
“I heard Keller [Chryst] singing, “Cause baby, you’re the boss at home. You don’t gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work,” under his breath between reps yesterday,” he said.
“I was wondering what that was all about. Guess he took the lyrics too seriously–but hey, it’s a great song!”
Meanwhile, some of the younger players on the team were ecstatic about their unexpected day off. “Fifth Harmony was U-N-R-E-A-L,” said sophomore defensive tackle Solomon Thomas. “Took me right back to the days of Destiny’s Child. Queen Bey forever, baby!”
Wideout Michael Rector will be held out of the Spring Game for organizing the outing and buying the tickets, according to sources. He even bought a backstage pass for himself. But the fifth-year senior doesn’t seem too worried about the consequences and says the experience was worth it.
“It really was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see my girls Ally, Normani, Lauren, Camila and Dinah perform,” Rector said. “Sometimes when the stress of practice gets to be too much, we’ve just gotta shake it off.”
Editor’s note: This article was published as part of The Daily’s April Fool’s Day edition and is completely fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.