On Monday, The Stanford Review announced a new ballot initiative that would require all students to seize the means of production from at least one factory owner or capital holder prior to graduation from the University. In addition, The Review’s proposal demands that the ASSU Undergraduate Senate recognize Marxism-Leninism as the official guiding principle of the student body.
The move comes after a highly-publicized effort to reinstate a humanities requirement based on works from Western civilizations. According to The Review, seizing the means of production is a natural next step to the Western Civilization proposal.
“Class struggle occupies a critical place in the Western philosophical canon,” said Harry Elliott ’18, editor-in-chief of The Review.
“We see this as a fantastic way of making students engage more with Western Civilization. By adding this requirement, Stanford students will gain an opportunity to critically consider the great ideas that have shaped our world,” he added.
The Review, often associated with more libertarian and conservative rhetoric, surprised many with the ballot initiative, which mandates that students destroy the bourgeoisie by uniting the proletarian class. Stephanie Diaz ’17 said she was surprised and upset at the new ballot initiative, especially due to the way The Review characterized its content.
“The Review’s proposal fundamentally misses the point,” Diaz said. “The mantle of communism has long since passed from Marx and Lenin to Maoist China, and The Review is stuck in the past.”
A few University administrators were more receptive. Provost John Etchemendy Ph.D. ’82 expressed support for the proposal, on the condition that the expropriated capital will be funnelled to Stanford’s endowment.
“We’re off to a very bad start this year in terms of fundraising,” Etchemendy said. “We haven’t even crossed the $1 billion mark yet. By seizing property, we can ensure the financial health of the University, and make Stanford’s research and teaching work possible.”
The Stanford community also debated the best way of implementing The Review’s proposal, with a representative of Who’s Teaching Us suggesting that students start by toppling the Tresidder branch of Wells Fargo.
The petition will require signatures from at least 15 percent of the student body in order to make it on to the ASSU ballot.
Editor’s note: This article is part of The Daily’s April Fools’ Day coverage. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of entertainment only.