Long car rides can suck. Long car rides can suck even more if you get lost. This past weekend, a bunch of Donner kids went up to Yosemite to go hiking. It’s about a four-hour drive and I was in a late car (i.e. we left at 5:30 p.m.) with four other friends.

All was fine and dandy (being stuck in a moving metal vehicle for upwards of four hours also lends itself nicely to some solid bonding time)… until we got past the entrance to the park.

What follows is a progression of my thoughts:

1. We made it inside the park! We’re at the entrance! Yay! Only 10 minutes of this drive left. Whew.
2. Wait, we just lost service.
3. Waaaait is this the right direction?
4. Did we miss a turn?
5. Can someone check Google Maps?
6. Wait crap there’s no service.
7. Hahaha imagine if someone just started sprinting out of the woods right now
8. (I just saw “Get Out,” I’m sorry)
9. We are entirely alone on this road and it is Very Dark
10. Wait there’s a car behind us
11. This car is so close to us what the hell
12. OH GOD THEY’RE TRYING TO RUN US OFF THE ROAD
13. Are they going to kill us
14. Who are they, what do they want, why are they doing this
15. Can they at least turn their brights off before murdering us?
16. Wait no they passed us
17. That was aggressive
18. Okay turn here
19. Wait this road is blocked off
20. Okay which brave soul is going to check and see if that chain on the gate is locked
21. OH GOD SHE GOT OUT OF THE CAR
22. Hope she doesn’t die
23. Good luck
24. What if a bear just came up and snatched her up right now
25. What would we do? I mean I can drive.. but still, what a way to go
26. Okay phew she survived
27. I swear if we play “Good Morning, Baltimore” one more time I will scream
28. Let’s go back to where we had service
29. There is a poster for a missing man up here. I am terrified
30. Okay update: we have a TWO AND A HALF HOUR DRIVE AHEAD OF US
31. Oh good lord
32. How
33. Okay turning around. We got this. Gotta keep the driver awake. WE GOT THIS.
34. Service! At long last! One bar!
35. Wait it’s gone
36. Oh no it’s back again
37. Was that a corgi on the side of the road???
38. Why are all of these houses abandoned and/or haunted
39. There was definitely somebody in that house. Sitting. Alone.
40. Why are we playing these songs
41. Why are we playing “High School Musical”
42. What time is it
43. [Summer time]
44. NO. NO MORE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.
45. It’s 1 a.m. We’ve been on the road for eight hours.
46. Please help
47. WAIT
48. WE’RE HERE
49. Wait… isn’t that the road we were on when we went through the other entrance?
50. Are you telling me we were 15 minutes away if we’d just gone straight before
51. Okay yes. Great.
52. THE CAMPING GROUND SIGN.
53. Why is there another damn car tailgating us WITH. THEIR. BRIGHTS. ON.
54. Can’t you see we are terrified and delirious
55. We are so close please don’t kill us now
56. Okay they’re passing us again. Thanks.
57. Omg we made it
58. FINALLY
59. YES

Contact Matt Bernstein with better directions to camping grounds at mbernstein ‘at’ stanford.edu.