I’m sure you’ve never wondered what personality types correspond to various flavors of ramen, but I decided to write an article about it anyway. Enjoy!
Beef Ramen: probably leads a double life, leaves savage reviews on Carta, got three of their high school teachers fired, “it’s not blackmail, it’s politics,” sends anonymous tips to the FOHO, will probably start WWIII, blasts bass so loud your walls shake even though you live on a different floor.
Sriracha Chicken Ramen: suddenly turns into a marathon runner when drunk, thinks 22 units is an average load, thrives in competitive environments, stress level 300 but good at hiding it, treats themselves to off-campus food after every exam, DoorDashes for only one boba regularly.
Chicken Tortilla Ramen: Always confused, shops 40 classes in Week 1, always posting in the Facebook group about losing their wallet, does half a load of laundry every five weeks but then wonders why all their clothes are always dirty, only wears NSO shirts and dorm swag, counts how many times they comment in class, still gets lost on campus, would rather stab themselves with a fork than make a decision.
Lime Shrimp Ramen: hires personal help to do their laundry and clean their dorm room, takes two showers a day, tries to start a love triangle in their friend group because they like watching drama unfold, changes their major every 15 minutes.
Cheddar Cheese Ramen: doesn’t even know what ramen is, probably owns a building on campus, calls boba “bubble tea,” sits in the first row of recorded lectures and makes a point to participate, really good at making Instagram captions.
Yeul (Spicy Korean) Ramen: eats spicy ramen to have an excuse to cry and hide their real tears, takes a bunch of really hard classes but is never doing work, regularly goes to bed at 6 a.m., pre-med.
Wilbur Ramen: wears pajamas to class, done with the quarter by Week 2, “I’m not lazy, I’m efficient,” falls out of bed trying to turn the light off or plug in their phone charger, naps 6 hours a day, prefers Netflix to frats, professional procrastinator.
Contact Phoebe Quinton at pquinton ‘at’ stanford.edu.