“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” When L.M. Montgomery published this line in “Anne of Green Gables” in 1908, I doubt she had any idea of the extent to which social media would prove it to be true. Among the wide variety of platforms, Instagram, Tumblr and Twitter specifically allow for user personalities to transform into popular public personas that go viral every time they post or tweet something new. The obsession followers have with these people is often driven by relatability. Chrissy Teigen (John Legend’s badass supermodel wife) is someone I relate to on pretty much every level. Here’s why:
1. She’s always the last to find out the latest trends.
In high school, I thought “The Whip” dance move was from left to right instead of right to left. My friends nicknamed my version the “Grab-n-Go” since I worked in the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. I also believed “Hit the Quan” by iLoveMemphis was called “The DaQuan.” I give you permission to make fun of me.
2. Random trivia is how she destroys egos.
If there was a Jeopardy category for Taylor Swift lyrics, “Friends” quotes, the Spanish Civil War, how to pronounce Gaelic words, Myers-Briggs personality types, crochet abbreviations or “Bachelor” contestants, you’re going down.
3. She agrees that Wednesdays are the worst day of the week.
Wednesdays aren’t woke. Change my mind.
4. She’s not the *best* with technology.
Once I spent nearly four hours trying to hook up a brand-new wireless printer to the Stanford WiFi and realized it didn’t have to be wireless. Hooking up a laptop to a printer with a cord works instantly without WiFi. Oy vey.
5. Reality TV is one of her problematic faves.
Whenever I meet someone new and they ask what I’ve been watching recently, I hesitate to mention the “The Bachelor/The Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise” to avoid being hardcore judged. I interviewed Arie & Lauren, Becca Kufrin and Ashley I. on separate occasions for an internship a couple years ago, and by my over-the-top fangirling, it’s like I had interviewed Ellen, Oprah and Taylor Swift.
6. She’s clumsier than a newborn giraffe.
I’ll have you know I dropped a 25-pound hand weight on my right pointer finger last fall, and I only cried for 20 minutes. (Snaps if you get the reference.)
7. Exhaustion affects her shopping judgment.
Most of my online clearance hauls are made after 3 a.m. and have included a five-pound skein of red yarn, a polkadot lunch bag, a hot pink belt I’ve never worn, a smart TV, and an ab wheel. There’s something exhilarating about placing an order 10 minutes before missing the same-day shipping deadline.
8. Before making questionable decisions, she crowdsources advice just in case.
Before I had a cellphone to text my friend(s) for advice, I looked to Yahoo Answers’ wisdom on all boy- and health-related matters. I’m not going to lie — people give great advice on what to do when you’ve had a crush on the same boy for seven years and whether there’s something wrong with your brain.
9. Everything and anything can make her feel guilty.
While boarding a crowded flight a few years ago, I spotted an empty spot in an overhead bin right at the front of the plane. I decided to take advantage in case my overly-packed suitcase couldn’t fit anywhere else. The suitcase next to the spot was inserted sideways. In attempting to shift it, a cane fell on the head of the elderly woman sitting below the overhead bin. I was utterly mortified and apologized several times, completely aware of the disgusted looks from the people around me. After placing the cane back in the bin, I went to the back of the plane and hid my guilt-ridden tears for the next five hours.
10. She thinks announcing your emotions is normal (and probably for everyone’s benefit).
My daily existence revolves around food. I must have three meals and two snacks to survive. Otherwise, I become increasingly hangry, an emotion I have learned to announce to anyone around me, so they avoid mistaking it for pure bitchiness. I promise my passive-aggressiveness has nothing to do with you.
Contact Emily Schmidt at egs1997 ‘at’ stanford.edu.