Satire by Sophie Sullivan
A Twitter showdown between Alameda County and Tesla CEO Elon Musk over the county’s refusal to re-open one of Tesla’s factories ended with Musk’s declaration that he would be establishing his own country — The Elon State of Liberated Automobilemakers, or T.E.S.L.A. for short — where production will begin within the next week.
The formation of the new country comes after Alameda County told Musk in May that he could not fully reopen his Fremont, Calif. factory in ordinance with county health guidelines, to which Musk responded by suing the county. He then called the clash the “final straw,” and announced that Tesla would be moving its headquarters and future programs to Texas or Nevada.
The quarrel seemed to be resolved after Alameda County stated they were working with Tesla to come to an agreement, and there was no word from Musk about his plans for nearly two months.
Musk then tweeted late Wednesday that county health officials were “big old meanies,” before going on to announce Tesla’s secession from the United States.
“I’m absolutely sick of these so-called ‘Interim Health Officers’ trying to tell me what to do and violating my personal freedoms. For shame, Alameda! For shame!” he tweeted. “Stop singling out Tesla just because we are that much cooler than you.”
But Musk didn’t stop after pulling out of Alameda County. In a rampage of tweets, the CEO condemned California Governor Gavin Newsom for “standing by” and “not caring about [Musk’s] feelings.” He then tweeted directly at President Trump, calling the move from the US to T.E.S.L.A. a “sad loss” for the “land of dorks.”
“Drastic times call for drastic measures! How does it feel to have absolutely zero Tesla factories now, America?” he wrote.
Musk provided few details on the establishment of his country, other than that its national animal is the muskrat and anyone living in Alameda County is automatically blacklisted. It is unclear where Musk intends to establish his new home, or how he plans to move all Tesla factories and offices to a new location within one week.
A Daily journalist based in Fremont identified the preliminary construction of a floating city, though no photos were obtained due to the sign politely asking observers to look away.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Sophie Sullivan at sophiemsullivan ‘at’ gmail.com.