Study shows pandemic is worsening but vibes are improving due to lack of mask-wearing

Humor by Keya Arora
Aug. 3, 2020, 10:20 a.m.

While COVID-19 shows little signs of improvement in the United States, a recent study conducted by Stanford University’s Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences Department showed that Vibe Checks across the country are skyrocketing.

“While initial responses to mask-wearing seemed positive, it now looks as though most individuals feel much vibier without one,” stated Head Researcher, Amy Smith. She later added that, when surveyed about public health priorities, many respondents ranked positive vibes above concern of the Coronavirus.

The study assures people that the recent surge in vibes spreads across all age groups, as age is not a factor when it comes to questionable judgment.

Smith furthered the research team’s findings with “Honestly, people can’t be worried about masks when they have their entire lives to live, and this way they get good vibes too.” 

According to the collected data, the country’s germophobic leader, Donald Trump, has also followed in the footsteps of the #vibesrulemasksdrool rush.

In a tweet procured by the research team, he said “Believe me, the mask vibes are just HUGELY bad. That is to say, they’re negatively positive vibes. Absolutely positive in the negative sense.”

Stanford made their findings open for public comment and have been showered in praise since.

One such individual wrote “Honestly, I never believe in science, but this really struck a chord with me. I want my vibes!”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Keya at keyanarora ‘at’

Keya Arora is a high schooler writing as part of The Daily’s Summer Journalism Workshop.

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