Student bikes to GovCo, doesn’t GovCome back

Oct. 28, 2022, 1:12 a.m.

What would you do if you left your coat in govco? Would you be govconcerned? Would you govcontinue on, or would you go all the way back for it. Go back for what is now a govcoat. Go all the way back… to govco.

Cole Smith recently made the tragic mistake of biking back to govco this Monday. He didn’t govcome back. “Everyone knows you don’t go back to govco unless it’s absolutely necessary,” Cory Doe, Smith’s roommate, said. “He just wasn’t thinking.” It’s true. Cole did not have the competence to make a conscious decision. That is, the govcompetence to make a govconscious decision.

It’s times like these that we have to think about what matters most to us. Aren’t we all just govcoasting through life? There is no govcourse of action that guarantees happiness. There is no govcomfort, only govcoffins and the dark govcold of solitude. Go hide under your govcovers, you little baby. There is no respite for the govcoddled. 

You have probably surmised that I am GovCole Smith, the man formerly known as Cole Smith. I have returned from the govcover of darkness. If you leave your govcoat in govco, be govconcerned. The govcounterstrike has begun. 

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

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