GSB condemns Stanford imposter for blue-collar theft, advocates for white-collar theft instead

Humor by Lavi Sundar
Nov. 10, 2022, 11:46 p.m.

The discovery and exposure of imposter student William Curry has dominated California headlines for weeks, and at last, Stanford faculty members are weighing in officially on the matter. Dr. Mintin Munny, a professor and researcher from the Stanford Graduate School of Business, recently consented to an exclusive interview with The Daily where he denounced Curry’s attempt to steal a widescreen TV from the Crothers lounge, claiming it was “an amateur move” and “contradictory to Stanford values.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to steal from a public space,” Munny said with a sage nod. “That’s Week 5 of the syllabus, actually. But this was just shoddy execution.”

He especially decried the imposter’s decision to detach the TV from the wall by cutting the cable, claiming that “it’s not the kind of wire transfer real businessmen prefer.”

Other sources from the GSB, who requested to stay anonymous “for legal reasons”, claimed that the theft was “in bad faith” and that “it’s not as funny when it happens to people we know.” One was even so incensed by Curry’s actions that he removed his suit jacket for a minute.

When called upon to elaborate on their personal credentials, all sources immediately pleaded the Fifth.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

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