Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

With Stanford having such an abysmal football season, it would be literally impossible for us to win the Big Game this year… Right?

Damn right.

In an unsurprising turn of events, Stanford University’s football team suffered a significant defeat at the hands of the University of California, Berkeley, with a final score of 34-17. This result, while not a shock, has certainly been a bit of a whimper for this historic rivalry’s last game in the Pac-12. Though, seeing that both Cal and Stanford can soon be found on the Atlantic Coast, perhaps the rivalry will become even more ferocious in the ACC.

It was a shame, since Stanford had been looking good this year! They just need to work on their strategy, down conversion, decision-making, defending, running, passing, driving, blitzing, tackling, rushing, kicking and blocking. Making it into the end zone, too — for that is the greatest challenge for Stanford’s football team, so it seems.