Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

The Daily’s Humor section is proud to announce that we have made history this year: we have women. In a groundbreaking staff decision, two (2!) whole women have been added to the Humor Section’s writer’s room. For the first time since Maude Clarke ’45, who wrote her popular WWII humor column “Domestic Female Follies,” the important comedic voice of women is proudly represented at The Daily.

In a show of solidarity, humor columnists now carry tampons behind their ears like pens, armed and ready to rush in and defend our brave female soldiers the second they replace a semicolon with a period, because as the Humor Section is fond of saying, “We’re with (both) her(s).”

The Humor Editorial Board has begun a stringent editorial process to filter out any misogyny that risks alienating these new writers, though this has come at the cost of a noticeable (100%) drop in content production. However, they are on the record saying they believe these efforts are worth the delay, because “time is #up.” 

It has been a truly enlightening journey for everyone to be around so many people of the female experience. As renowned feminist, and our personal hero, Simone De Beauvoir once said, “one small step for women, one giant leap for mankind.”

Well, dear readers, as the men in mankind, we have taken that leap. Congratulations to us!