The Next Unicorn: The job description of a VC (Part 1)

Published Feb. 3, 2025, 5:01 p.m., last updated Feb. 3, 2025, 5:05 p.m.

Editor’s Note: This story is a piece of fiction, meaning that all characters and events are purely from the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Andrew Ho is an aspiring wantrepreneur. There are many things he wants — the new Tesla Cybertruck, a perfectly proportioned Sweetgreen bowl, and, most importantly, a girlfriend. Ride along with Andrew as he tries to maintain his sanity through the ups and downs of being an early-stage founder surrounded by the absurdities of Silicon Valley. From the magic of B2B SaaS to finding founder-market-fit to starting from first principles, The Next Unicorn depicts the fanatical constant grind within the SF startup community.

You can read the previous chapter of “The Next Unicorn” here.

It was Friday evening when Andrew met Alyeesha. Andrew had recently joined the Midnight Runners group to socialize. He had been inspired by Arnav’s pickleball finesse and decided he also needed the weekly intermingling. He had bought a pair of Sauconys and downloaded Strava on his phone.

Andrew arrived a little early. He was freezing in his short-sleeved tee as the SF wind blew him back and forth in front of the Ferry Building. As time passed by, more and more people gathered. He felt a little outdated in his raggy Tree Hacks t-shirt compared with the Alo Yoga-decked girls and a huddle of shirtless guys.

“Hey! Aren’t you the new founder Nick mentioned on his blog?” A girl approached him and waved. This was a girl at the peak of her summer-internship-raging lifestyle. She had dark circles under her eyes covered by concealer, a nervous twitch like she just downed a Celsius and the smell of heavy perfume covering a few all-nighters.

“Uh, yes. I don’t know how you recognized me…” Andrew scratched his head and avoided a handshake by holding his hand up in a fist for a bump. “What’s your name?”

“Alyeesha.” She stared down at his fist, which she had tried to shake but inadvertently turned into a kind of hand struggle. “Ha — first time with this running group?”

“Yah, I was thinking I need to get out more—”

“Never mind that. What’s Nick like in real life? I’m such a big fan of his Monday Musings and I can-not believe you got to be featured.”

The group had started moving, and Alyeesha ran at a rapid pace with Andrew already foreseeing the struggle ahead.

“I mean, I’m only a summer intern based in their South Bay office so I haven’t gotten to see Nick around at all. He’s so cool. I’m currently getting my MBA at Wharton and I’m really trying to understand the VC mindset — you know?”

“Ye-yeah,” Andrew panted through a stitch in his side. Alyeesha was somehow able to mind control the flood of people around them to move out of her way, but Andrew kept bumping into other runners and the occasional pothead roaming down Embarcadero Street. “I feel like VCs must be different from traditional finance, right?”

Andrew didn’t know much about traditional finance, but he had heard his cofounder Arnav’s many rants about how West Coast finance was superior to the dustbins on Wall Street.

“YES. That’s exactly why I want to enter the industry through VC. Like, they are funding the ex-cep-tion-al. They’re not going for small wins — they want home runs,” She seemed to be talking to herself. “Hey—”

“What’s up?” They had paused at a streetlight where Andrew bent down to catch his breath. He shouldn’t have had dinner beforehand.

“Can you introduce me to Nick by any chance? I mean, I know you two must be super close and it would be amazing if I could just learn more about startups and Sunflower Ventures, you know?”

Alyeesha looked at him expectantly and Andrew was in too much pain to say anything so he nodded.

Alyeesha looked very pleased.

“Oh my god, thank you so much. Let me get your number.”

Later that night, as Andrew was updating Alyeesha that Nick would love to meet her (Nick’s exact reply was “sure”), he reflected that it had been a very successful evening — he had gotten a girl’s number.

“No no you’re so right. It’s all about finding work for yourself. No one’s here to tell you what to do — like you weren’t able to make that early investment into Stripe because you were just sitting around. You were on the ground, on the battlefield, rolling up your sleeves. Thank you so—”

“It’s about keeping busy, keeping on your toes. You need to stay in the loop — have you subscribed to my podcast yet?”

“No—”

“Perfect, I’ll send you the link. I’d recommend listening to all of the episodes — in order — so you get the whole outline of my thoughts and my investing philosophy. I have a very specific and unique way I do things that’s crucial to my success. For instance, I can’t interview a founder at square tables because it forces oppositional body language…”

Andrew was exiting the bathroom in the Sunflower office when he saw Alyeesha and Nick speed walk across the hallway. Nick always had a post-lunch walk meeting he took around the block and then looped around the office twice to pass by both the founder desks and the conference room his boss took meetings in.

“Oh hey Alyeesha,” Andrew waved. Alyeesha quickly looked at him then back at Nick who had picked up a phone call and was waving goodbye. Alyeesha smiled, shook his hand vigorously, and was still calling out her appreciation for his time when Nick closed the door of a meeting room.

“I think I just met Jesus,” The words tumbled out of her mouth like the Beyond Meatloaf served as the vegetarian option for Meatless Mondays at the office.

Andrew didn’t know how to respond.

“There is something imperceptible about the lifestyle of a VC. The East Coast just doesn’t get it. Ever since coming here, I’ve been trying to pinpoint it down — Nick just blasted it out of the water,” Alyeesha explained in rapid-fire words. “What have I been doing with my life?! He gave me an ENTIRE BOOKLIST to go through before I can even call myself ‘someone interested in startups.’ ‘The Winning Mindset,’ ‘Think and Grow Rich,’ and ‘Bromania’—there is so much wisdom.”

Andrew hadn’t read any of those books and was starting to feel panicked when Arnav joined the conversation. Arnav couldn’t believe a girl had asked for Andrew’s number.

“Holy sh—” Arnav caught himself before he finished the sentence. “Oh hey there! Who are you? I’ve never seen you around here.”

Arnav immediately leaned against the wall and flashed the results of his $10K orthopedic treatment and recent “red-carpet facial.”

“I’m Alyeesha—you must be Andrew’s co-founder right? Berkeley drop-out and top entrepreneurial voice on LinkedIn” She shook Arnav’s hand and eyed his tall frame as if trying to x-ray for founder potential.

“Hey — I just heard the books you mentioned. Definitely some of my favorites. I can show you around if you’d like — they’ve got a bookshelf with some MUST-READS in the back.

Alyeesha looked very pleased.

“Oh my god, thank you so much. Let me get your number.”

Alyeesha’s eyes lit up at the prospect. She had been gunning for a chance to stick around longer.

“Of course! I would love to. Thank you so much — you’re so considerate.”

Arnav promptly led her away as they chatted intensely about which book she should start with first. Andrew was left standing and a little lost. Maybe he should check out some of the books?

TO BE CONTINUED…

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