Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
A Daily staffer recently attempted to uncover Taylor Swift’s personal phone number — for reasons that, on advice of legal counsel, they won’t disclose — by gaining access to her computer. After breaking into her Nashville home, the staffer instead discovered the following unreleased song.
[Verse 1]
Once upon a time, we were doing good
But then you didn’t win, Bowl 59
You were my receiver
But now I’m gonna leave here
[Pre-Chorus]
And I can tell by your face
That you’re surprised
You thought you were cool ‘cause you can run a slant
Do the fans know about your hair implants?
[Chorus]
I’m flying away like an Eagle from your
Collapse
Last pass
Relatively broke ass
Helmet throwin’, coach beratin’
Three Peat stopped — now, your heart’s breakin
For you, I was just a sucker,
But I guess red was just my color
[Verse 2]
You might be a tight end, but you got a flat ass
I only liked you when you made a pass
You think I loved your personality?
CTE’s the recipe for irrationality
[Bridge]
This can’t be happening, I thought our love was true
I even spent time with Brittany Mahomes for you
You’re not who I thought you were
You’re just another himbo
So, this one goes out to San Francisco
[Pre-Chorus]
And I can tell by your face that you’re surprised
You think our relationship was just a lie
But you see, you’re just not as famous as me
[Chorus]
I’m flying away like an Eagle from your
Collapse (Collapse)
Last pass (Last pass)
Relatively broke ass (Broke asssssssssss)
Helmet throwin’, coach beratin’
Three Peat stopped — now, your heart’s breakin
For you, I was just a sucker,
But I guess red was just my color