Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

The Stanford department of mathematics has come under fire after being singled out in a demand letter from the Trump administration owing to its repeated use of a controversial symbol, two lines stacked atop one another (“=”) which reliable sources confirm represents the concept “equality.”

“The case for a [diversity, equity and inclusion] DEI violation is, as far as I am concerned, open and shut,” President Donald Trump’s attorney general Pam Bondi said. “These ‘mathematicians’ are so bold as to openly call it an ‘equals sign.’”

The controversy began after a student raised concerns that he was being forced to “solve both sides of the equation” and “make both sides the same.” 

When reached for comment, the first year student said, “It is my strong belief that the figures on the right are just greater than those on the left” and “I should not be forced to quantify evidence of that statement in any way whatsoever.”

Stanford’s internal counsel wrote in a comment to The Daily, “I don’t know, man. Array, equals, simplify: it all sounds a bit DEI to me.” 

The sign, invented in 1557 by mathematician Robert Recorde, allegedly expresses equality in its very shape, one line set atop the other. It is frequently found in what are called “equations,” or “statements of equality.”

The administration has given mathematicians a deadline to rewrite their mathematical statements using only greater than or less than symbols. During the interim period, professors and students can also obtain compliance by carefully drawing the top or bottom lines of the “equals sign” longer than the other. 

Last week, the President’s office issued a statement underlining Stanford’s commitment to fight for its faculty members.

“The demands made in the administration’s letter constitute an unacceptable breach of academic freedom, and Stanford will fight this incursion with every resource it has,” Stanford’s internal counsel wrote. “The investigation is a blatant way to harass researchers, and the premise is an obvious farce. A more ridiculous demand made on such a storied institution as ours could not be dreamed up in the fevered brains of unpaid humor contributors.”

As of writing, the math department has been taken into academic receivership after the University pledged to comply with every demand.