I recently had a conversation with a friend from Berkeley, who asked me, “What’s something about Stanford that has negatively surprised you?”

The answer came surprisingly easily – I mentioned how with a campus so big, there’s always construction going on. The week before I had recently discovered that there was construction going on in Main Quad, which annoyed me and made me not want to go there anymore. And before that, my research lab moved from the medical school office building (MSOB) to Edwards in the fall, since Stanford had decided that MSOB was getting demolished. According to some people I had heard down the grapevine, Stanford decided that they wanted a new building built, which as a result of some land rules, meant that another one had to go. I found that a bit unfortunate, since MSOB had just recently been renovated.

But Main Quad changing really affected me more than I would have thought; I’ve always thought of Stanford’s physical campus as the body of Stanford. I see Main Quad as the heart, the Oval as the face and engineering quad and the east campus residences as the two critical appendages. Main Quad isn’t really a place that I like to see getting fixed or rebuilt. But as with my experience on campus thus far, something is always changing, and I guess now it’s fallen on the heart.

As I look back at myself this year, I feel like the landscape of my life has changed too. Freshman year I was trying to get acclimated a lot more than I care to admit. I spent a lot more time in extracurricular clubs, outside of my dorm and involved in activities outside of STEM. I would write more, read more, go to random one-off events more. Now, sometimes it’s hard to be motivated to even leave my dorm in Casper Quad. I often feel like I’d rather just chill in my room or find someone to yap with. I’ll look at my class schedule and just feel like I’m seeing a lot of CS XXX. Although I’ve still been trying to keep my foot in the door with other engagements, whether that be at the Hoover Institution or beyond, it feels like I’m trying to hold onto things that I’ve internally deprioritized and devalued. Come junior year, I know some of those things I’ll probably let go.

Of course, this evolution isn’t what I’d consider a bad thing. Now, more than ever, I love my classes, what I’m learning and the time I spend in conversations at my dorm, rather than feeling compelled to participate in countless activities or constantly explore new terrain. Delving deeper into my studies and friendships has required me to replace many of the structures I’d previously built around my identity. I guess I’ve been undergoing a lot of construction too.

This year, my constant evolution has been more confusing than ever before. Yet I’ve come to recognize that having the resources to change and grow in college is a gift whose value I may not fully appreciate until later. I hope when I look back on this time, I’ll have developed something fractionally as beautiful as this campus. I’ve always loved Stanford for its distinctive architecture and enduring charm — the way it balances change with consistency. I aspire to be like this landscape, transforming with age while remaining fundamentally true to myself.