Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

This piece was an attempt to see if editorial bias played any role in deciding which pieces get published at The Daily. The fact that these two poems were published speaks for itself.

Nectarine 2

Ah, a nectarine so fair

With it’s purple, fuzzy outwhere

Like the fur of an ape

With a delicious pear shape

Oh wait I think it’s just a moldy pear

Ode to Jagger

Mick Jagger, do you have no satisfaction?

You carry on for us like a beast of burden.

Are you scared that it’s all over now?

One day you will leave us, and we will miss you,

And we’ll need emotional rescue.

Listen to me Mick. Can’t you hear me knocking?

Away the years fly as tears go by.

You are not a fool to cry, you are human.

Do you wish for immortality? You can’t always get what you want.

It’s okay to be angry.

It’s okay to be happy.

You refuse to give up. You just doo doo doo doo doo.

I’m scared you’ll follow up your 19th nervous breakdown.

Of you we have high opinions, but no expectations.

We’ll have sympathy for the devil,

Because he thinks he’s waiting on a friend,

With a bouquet of dead flowers.

But our friend will be in heaven,

With all the honky tonk women.

The editors do not apologize for publishing these pieces written so shamelessly to get Mason Barrett ’28 staff writer status at The Daily. In fact, we’re just happy he listened to us as we discussed our hopes, our dreams and our favorite fruits/bands.