Like a lot of children, I grew up thinking my mom made the sun rise and set. There was no one I admired and blindly followed more. I even changed my favorite color to match hers. Conversely, there was no one more opposed to my adoration of her than her. Her insistence on teaching me intellectual independence and ethical reasoning are what led me to form my own system of morals — this guided yet independent individual path to building character is what I believe true parenting should be. 

One of the strangest conversations I’ve ever had was with my mom when I was about six or seven. She was talking about abortion with my brother who was five years older, and she decided to ask us both what we thought of the issue. I asked her what she thought and proceeded to repeat her pro-choice rhetoric verbatim. So, when she then switched her answer and asked me if I thought it was ok to “kill the baby,” I was dumbfounded. If my mom argued for both sides, which was right? 

My mom spent most of my life challenging my strongly held beliefs. From abortion to student protests, she has never shied away from her own beliefs and simultaneously insists on me finding them in my own way. She rejects arguments made without evidence and consistently challenges rhetoric generally accepted as true. Thanks to her, I have the skills and logic to confidently state my opinions and defend them with fact, reason and passion. I have learned from her how to engage critically with society. 

I am grateful to both my parents for providing me a roof, clothes and the greatest education possible. Through hard work and sacrifice, they have prepared me to succeed in the world that is. But, perhaps more valuable, they have taught me through example how I can bring about a world that ought to be. I am not satisfied with the status quo; rather, I can carefully criticize and push for change where it is needed. 

The “right” way to parent is one of the most hotly contested debates across the internet. Should my kid be using screens? Do I put them in sports? How much processed food can they eat? Many of my best friends have had wildly different geographical, religious and academic upbringings to mine, but we all share a strong sense of self that comes from our deeply ingrained values, inseparable to who we are. When I met my friends’ parents during Family Weekend, my suspicion was reinforced. I saw my friend’s social grace and compassion in her mother when they spoke over dinner, even though they differed on geopolitical debates. I saw my friend’s openness to listen as he respectfully disagreed with his father about the value of college. We may not share our parents’ ideas, but we share their love for truth, knowledge and respectful discourse. 

I’m nowhere near ready for motherhood, but I do know that nothing is as simple as right and wrong — especially something as complex and individual-dependent as parenting. I also know firsthand that one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child are tools to learn about the world and the freedom to reflect on it for themselves. That is what my parents gave me, and it allowed me to learn on my own terms, developing myself into someone whose love for family and broader community exist simultaneously, complementary to each other. I am by no means perfect in this work, but this intersectional approach to living modeled by my mother is still how I mold my world.

In honor of Mother’s Day, political prisoner and new father Mahmoud Khalil wrote a letter to his son on fatherhood and activism as “a duty and an honor we carry with pride.” He says, “I am absent not out of apathy, but conviction,” arguing that his fatherly love is deeply intertwined with his desire for Palestinian liberation. To me, this action is the epitome of what it means to be a parent: holding your beliefs so strongly that your love for an individual can never be truly realized without a better world in which for them to live. Parents shouldn’t just teach how the world is — they must show their children how to fight for how it ought to be. 

From teaching high school English to raising my brother and me, my mom has personified the principle Khalil articulates and embodies himself: to teach one’s children through example, fighting for what you believe is right. My mother did not directly teach me what was right or wrong; she gave me the tools to do so for myself. 

To anyone who’s challenged a loved one’s belief and encouraged them to think beyond the norm, centering how moral convictions are established, happy belated mother’s day. You show us how to be better. To every parent separated from their children by force or because of political dissent, no government’s attempt to strip your humanity can erase the power you wield within your family and beyond. In times when the personal is political, we owe it to ourselves, our families and our communities to act in line with our individual principles.