On my birthday, when I was in graduate school, my supervisor handed me a small gift bag with a smile. Inside was a bottle of liquor, a gesture I couldn’t quite interpret. Was it meant as a celebration? A cultural reference? A sign of camaraderie? I thanked them politely, but as I walked home with the glass bottle weighing down my bag, a strange discomfort crept in. Did they imagine I’d raise a glass to myself later that night, as a single mom alone after a long day? Did this somehow reflect who I was? I knew the gesture came from a good place. But still, something felt off.

Moments like that, well-meaning but awkward, became quiet reminders of how strange the student-supervisor dynamic can be. This didn’t happen in Palo Alto or Warsaw, but it doesn’t really matter where it happened. It could happen, and is happening, anywhere professional boundaries might blur.
In academic spaces, we often focus on research outputs, conference presentations and publication metrics. But what about the everyday social interactions that shape lab culture? What about the subtle ways power shows up in coffee breaks, birthday cards or group dinners?

I never signed a formal student supervisor agreement, though many programs now include them. These documents outline responsibilities and timelines, clarifying expectations for meetings, progress reports and feedback cycles. It is a good step forward. But they rarely mention the interpersonal side of mentorship. The small courtesies, social gestures and personal boundaries matter just as much.

Take something as simple as buying coffee. Is it okay for a supervisor to treat their team now and then? Absolutely. It can be a kind gesture that brings people together. But it works best when it is clear and consistent. For example, saying “Every first Thursday of the month, I take everyone out for coffee, my treat” removes ambiguity. When expectations are transparent, students feel included — not indebted. And if someone prefers to pay for themselves, that is fine too. Gratitude does not always show up in familiar ways. Respecting that is part of being a thoughtful mentor.

Alcohol, however, is more complicated. While it is common in some professional cultures to mark occasions with drinks, not everyone shares the same relationship to alcohol. Cultural, religious or personal reasons often shape how people feel about drinking. Hosting events where alcohol is central, or gifting it, can unintentionally exclude or alienate students. Even with good intentions, it can land awkwardly.

Gifts, in general, walk a fine line. Some students will deeply appreciate them. Others may feel unsure how to respond. In most cases, steady support and clear communication go further than material tokens. A mentor who checks in regularly, treats everyone with the same respect and creates an inclusive environment builds more trust than any gift ever could.

What is really needed is cultural awareness and humility. Not every student comes from the same background or sees the world through the same lens. What feels like a friendly gesture to one person might seem uncomfortable or confusing to another. That does not mean supervisors need to get everything right, but they should be open to learning and willing to adjust.

Academic mentorship is about more than experiments and draft revisions. It is about creating spaces where students can do their best work without second guessing their place. That takes more than scientific knowledge. It takes emotional intelligence and genuine care.

We often talk about what students owe their programs. But we also need to talk about what supervisors owe their students: clarity, curiosity and an awareness of the unspoken social rules that shape academic life.

Sometimes, something as small as a gift bag can leave a lasting impression on the mentorship experience.