Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Mr. Rogers, after living in his neighborhood for over 30 years, was excited to hear that Stanford had founded their own neighborhood system. He was delighted that the school was making an effort to establish community and bring people together, just as he did for so many years. Inspired by Stanford, Mr. Rogers packed up his cardigans and loafers and moved from his humble neighborhood in Pennsylvania to sunny Stanford. 

Soon after arriving, Mr. Rogers made the unfortunate discovery that, after its short tenure and poor reception, the Neighborhood system had been disbanded. Furthermore, Mr. Rogers had lost his Stanford housing contract due to budget cuts, as he was a “non-traditional grad student” studying community relations. 

The Bay Area and California as a whole presented a tough market in which to afford alternative accommodations. To make matters even worse, Mr. Rogers’ retirement savings, which had previously been tied up in war bonds from Vietnam, had just been transferred into a Bitcoin wallet. Rogers promptly forgot his login information.

After being axed at PBS, Mr. Rogers refused to give up and sent out a plea on Craigslist for temporary housing in the area. Rogers has been living for the last few months in a co-op with 8 other roommates, five of which are in a complex polycule, while looking for work and a “beautiful” neighborhood.

“It may not be much, but it’s such a good feeling to know that I have friends everywhere,” Mr. Rogers said, “Even in the face of rejection, I’m lucky to be part of a community where there is so, so, so much love.”