Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
According to leaked documents obtained by The Stanford Daily, the 2025 production of Gaieties will “strike a patriot-friendly tone” in the lead-up to the annual Big Game. Tentatively titled “Project 2025: Pa-tree-iot Town,” this retelling of the historic cross-Bay rivalry has bold plans to address issues in today’s society in a “topical, wholesome and Christian way.”
The leaks have sparked intense campus discussions on how the performance will shape Stanford’s politics and its broader role in the country as a whole. The Daily sat down with lead director and White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller to discuss the vision behind “Pa-tree-iot Town.”
The Daily: Why did Ram’s Head go in this direction?
Miller: Stanford threatened Ram’s Head with budget cuts unless it made more room for “ideological diversity.”
The Daily: What made you want to direct “Pa-tree-iot Town?”
Miller: Just because I “lost” my job in the government shutdown does not mean that I cannot help promote Trump’s agenda on godless college campuses like this.
The Daily: What’s it like to be in the director’s chair?
Miller: It’s simple, really. I look at the filth that Greta Gerwig forced upon us and do the exact opposite.
The Daily: Where does the name “Pa-tree-iot Town” really come from?
Miller: Stanford is in desperate need of patriotism. The name lets the audience know that even though it may be one of Cal’s colors, Blue Lives Matter, too.
The Daily: Is Elon Musk funding this musical?
Miller: Of course not. On an unrelated note, there will be ad reads for our good, patriotic friends over at Palantir and the Heritage Foundation.
The Daily: How do you foster community among the cast and crew?
Miller: As we began writing “Pa-tree-iot Town,” we found a huge collection of notes and set materials meant to remind future productions of all that the socialist and LGBTQIA+ communities that have contributed to Gaieties over the years. It was a joyous bonding experience when we came together to light it all on fire.
The Daily: What do you say to the student protestors who plan to start an encampment outside of Memorial Auditorium?
Miller: The audience will see through the lies that have poisoned the brains of our students. Loving this nation is making a comeback, and Stanford will never be the same.
The Daily: Do you have any inspiring words to share with the young people hoping to make it in musical theater?
Miller: Anything is possible when you’re willing to tell any story that respects American rights and tradition in accordance with our Lord and Savior, Donald Trump.