Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

In accordance with this administration’s values, President Donald Trump and his cabinet are conducting a thorough review of coursework offered at woke liberal colleges for undergraduate students, including Stanford University. Below are the findings of this administration, summarized by White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt:

ECON 1: Principles of Economics – Leav-itt: Why take any economics course when you can just divide imports by exports and use it to tariff China?

MATH 51: Linear Algebra, Multivariable Calculus and Modern Applications – Leav-itt: Too much math. The only cross-product you need is the cross of Jesus.

CS 106A: Programming Methodology – Take it: Programming is the most important skill for new DOGE applicants. 

FEMGEN 101 – Take It: In order to beat thy enemy, know thy enemy. See also: Intro to Disabilities Studies, Marxism 101, Law of Democracy. 

CHEM 29N: Chemistry in the Kitchen – Take It (Ladies Only): If women are allowed to get an education, an effort should be made such that they receive one suiting their purpose.

HISTORY 1: The History of 2025 – Take it: Rewriting it before it happens. Consult the Heritage Foundation for more information on course content.

SPANLANG 1: First-Year Spanish – Leav-itt:  Si puedes leer esto, tus valores son incompatibles con los de la administración actual. 

HUMBIO 2A: Genetics Molecular Biology and Evolution – Leav-itt: Evolution is not a pro-family value. 

Anything from the COMPLIT Department – Leav-itt: There is only the Western canon — what other literature is there to compare? There’s a special kind of Western cannon we can show you if you disagree. 

POLISCI 1: The Science of Politics – Leav-itt: All you need to know about politics is whatever we tell you on the White House website.

Structured Liberal Education (SLE) – Leav-itt: This administration does not endorse structure, nor liberals, nor education. What makes you think we’ll appreciate all three at the same time?

LAW 7145: The Law of Insurrection – Take it: This may be helpful the next time an election is stolen by the terroristic pro-marxist Democratic party. 

ME 70: Introductory Fluids Engineering – Take It: Men, this is a message for you. Your first time may be scary, but remember, when you do it, it is not just for you. Our fertility rate needs to rise. Ask not what your country can do for you, but whom you can do for your country.