In each installment of “Senior Scaries,” Erin Ye ’26 confronts her senior-year fears in her final three quarters at Stanford. You’ll hear about the triumphs and tribulations of tackling the Senior Bucket List™ and hopefully feel less alone in the never-ending soul search that comes with growing up.
The last time I was on the phone with my mom, she told me that it was my own fault I didn’t have a boyfriend.
“You need to start treating dating like it’s the job market: you’re not applying to positions, you’re not interviewing, you’re not even doing things that you can add to your résumé,” she said. “You just need to get out there. Think of it like getting an internship. Don’t worry about the return offer just yet!”
The metaphor was likely absurd on purpose, but underneath the shock factor, my mom had a point. I can’t blame her for being tired of me complaining about a problem I haven’t meaningfully tried to solve.
In high school, I was far too nerdy to date, and I’ve dated very minimally during my time at Stanford. I remember my (happily taken) freshman-year roommate telling me late one night in our room, “It happens when you least expect it!”
I responded, “That’s the problem. I am always expecting it.”
Fast forward to senior year, and I am still bound by the same affliction.
At this point, I’ve made every excuse in the book: too busy with school, too focused on my career, not interested in anybody, yada yada yada. I’ve also had many conversations with friends that have gone along the lines of “Stanford-men-are-the-problem-we’re-perfect-as-we-are.” When you look at it like that, it’s not surprising at all that I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve made it pretty obvious I don’t want one.
And I really am happy with my life as it is. I have the best friends and family in the world, I love what I study and I have a job lined up after graduation. There’s no lack of love in my existence. I think, for me, this conversation is more about conquering an age-old insecurity and not letting a fear of rejection hold me back from good things in the future. It’s not enough to sit around waiting for a bomb to drop or to wonder why no one has left a love letter at your door or to do Date Drop and Marriage Pact and expect black-box algorithms to find your soulmate for you (especially when you don’t even have the guts to reach out to your match). At the very least, your internal wants and external actions need to align.
Yes, it is scary to be graduating from college and entering the murky waters of the post-grad dating scene. Stanford was probabilistically the best place to find a good match, and it’s both awesome and horrifying to think that some of the people I know are already dating the person they’re going to marry. But just like how you don’t get hired by being envious of those who are employed, I’ll likely stay single forever if all I do is take stock of the couples around me. I wish I could have written this column about how I conquered my fears and went on 50 first dates, but that’s not happened yet. But once I develop a pick up line as good as my cover letter template, it’s game on.