Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Today, group chats are a big part of communication in today’s fast-paced and digital world. But let’s be honest: there are some you’re not in. Maybe a lot. Hopefully this goes over better coming from us at The Daily…

The One For That Group Project that No One Trusts You In 

Yeah, maybe it was a mistake enrolling in CS147, “Intro to Human Computer Interaction.” You’re a human. You’ve interacted with computers before. How hard can it be? Hard enough that your group told you “just focus on the PSETs.” Hopefully they know what they are doing, because you definitely don’t.

About That Spring Break Trip

Yeah this is a tough one. Do you remember that trip to Japan? The one that you were planning with all of your friends from frosh year for one last hurrah before you go your separate ways? Welp. They’re planning it without you. I know, I was confused too. I mean it’s not like you came up with the whole thing. Oh wait, you did? That’s crazy. 

That One Group Chat You’re Glad You’re Not In

Your high school friends made a group chat right before leaving for college, and guess what? They didn’t include you. But hey, look on the bright side: once those messages leaked on Facebook, all of them lost their admission offers. Yikes!

Your Old Roommates Birthday Party Group Chat

You really should’ve just said sorry. Now everyone is partying in Suites and you’re stuck scrolling on Fizz, wondering when they added the marketplace feature. 

The Boy Band GC

Jazzy Jake, Big Paul and Alexander 2300 couldn’t handle the heat. It’s not like their ideas were good anyways. You guys were literally just about to take off, and now you’re the one paying the price. Literally. You rented all of the equipment and now spend weekends on Craigslist trying to pawn off a Roland D-50 Synthesizer to Jake S. on 3rd Street in SF. 

In the Cards

Not sure why ASSU did this, but you’re the only person not on In the Cards. It’s not that we don’t want you at literally any social event on campus. We just don’t need you there. Besides, don’t you have a PSET to do? 

The Polycule

As a natural comedian, you prefer everything in three’s; they’d prefer to be just two. Maybe you were overthinking again. But there’s no way you could’ve misinterpreted that text. Right?

2019 Bauer Family Flag Football League 

You know what you did. They won’t trust you again. Poor Jimmy.

The Daily Humor Slack

Okay I know this one hurts. Despite you being on your THIRD HUMOR ARTICLE, you are still not in the humor Slack. You know the Slack exists. They know you know the Slack exists. And you know that they know that you know the Slack exists. And no one is polite enough to hide its existence from you. What do they even talk about anyway? It’s probably not even funny, just like the rest of the humor section. 

Hope this helps! If you have any questions, just drop a message in the group chat. Oh, you’re not in the group chat?

That’s too bad.