Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Dear Auntie, 

I’m a freshman, and honestly, I don’t feel like I’m Asian enough to be around the other Asian Stanford students, I didn’t grow up speaking Chinese, I barely know any other Asian people, and my parents raised me in a small, very white city, what can I do to feel more connected to my parents’  culture? – Wayward at Wilbur 

Dear Wayward, 

Chinese-ness is not defined by how much Chinese we speak. All immigrants in America have a family that wants them to live well — and to go to a good school! Do not be distracted from living well by this “Asian enough” nonsense. You chase something that is not real. There is no such thing outside of what you already are. If you want to learn more about Chinese culture, you can ask your parents what it was like when they grew up, what songs they listened to, and why they left their hometowns. Maybe you can even study abroad (at top universities in China)! Many good opportunities for that here. 

After all, Asian Americans will always be Asian Americans. You need to enjoy all parts of it. And take advantage of all of the opportunities Stanford University has to offer. In fact, if you have the time to worry about such silly things as  how “Asian” you are, then you have time to take a few more units. 

Good luck. Have some sliced apples, and all will be O.K. 

Auntie