Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Q: Dear Auntie, 

I started taking piano lessons at Stanford this quarter! I stopped playing during high school because I was so busy, and I was really looking forward to coming back to it. Unfortunately, I really don’t like my teacher — they are super nice, but not helping me reach my goals. Sometimes they talk for half the lesson about irrelevant things, and they are also difficult to schedule with. I tried to communicate my needs, but I don’t think it’s going to work out. How should I move forward? I want to change teachers, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings or create any unnecessary conflicts. What do you suggest? 

—Bothered at Braun

Dear Bothered, 

Auntie is proud of you for playing piano again. I know there are lots of people who stop pursuing their artistic hobbies because they are too busy, and I am glad you are no longer one of them. There are too many smart young people in finance. Where are the Asians with the EGOT? Maybe when you visit me you can show me your progress. 

It is unfortunate that the instructor you have at Stanford University is disappointing. There is always a problem with people who are supposed to help us: sometimes they are bad at their job. Just like my first husband. So, I will give you the same advice that my auntie gave me when I was dissatisfied with him: you cannot waste time protecting the feelings of someone who will not take care of yours. 

However, you still need to have an ambivalent or positive relationship with your current teacher because you will hopefully soon be working with their colleague. This means you must be diplomatic when you tell your current teacher. This is not wasting time but a strategic caution. Very unlike how I dealt with my second husband. 

I recommend that you find some inoffensive reason why you want to work with someone else. Maybe one of the other teachers’ biographies is very interesting and you want to know more. Maybe someone has a specialty that you are interested in. Maybe you just want to meet different artists and, as the young people say, “network.” Then, you must tell your current teacher this information. This is scary, but I trust that you will be brave. And please do not worry — this does not count as lying. Just like it is not lying when I told one of my friends at church that I wish I could cook like her. Of course, I do not need to cook like her: Auntie cooks even better, but she does not need to know that. 

Now, either your current teacher will be very supportive of you and help you reach out to their colleagues, or you will send some emails to other teachers and let them know of your situation. From here, I think you can handle it on your own. You are not like my former husbands — you are capable of mature professional communication. 

This is a difficult situation, but I believe you can do it. Have some sliced apples, and all will be O.K. 

Auntie