Editor’s Note: This article is a review and contains subjective thoughts, opinions and critiques.
The sky is blue. The Earth is round. UMe Tea serves up the best matcha on the Farm. These are all examples of empirical, objective facts. And I will not, under any circumstances, accept criticism of these facts.
Tucked inside Old Union, UMe shares a split counter with The Axe and Palm (TAP). The eatery operates from 12 p.m. to 12 a.m. Monday through Friday (and from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. on the weekends) — perfect for students studying until unholy hours of the night. This quarter, the tea and snack store replaced Chun Yang Tea, a campus staple since 2023 up until its closure in June.
My (so-far) seven-week-long romance with UMe started during New Student Orientation. Back then, the bubble tea chain — which began in Silicon Valley in 2019 and now spans three states — was promoting its Stanford grand opening by handing out milk tea samples and vouchers from a cart in front of Tresidder Memorial Union.
Tentatively trying a sample from a small paper cup, I found that it was love at first sip. UMe’s classic champaca milk tea was a mellow medley of pleasant flavors: faintly floral, delicately complex, graced with a light and natural sweetness. Holy peak!
Admittedly, my opinion may be influenced by the fact that I’m a Chinese American who spent my high school years in rural Missouri. But UMe didn’t just delight me because it was my inaugural taste of Bay Area tea — after trying (and regretting) subpar matcha lattes from CoHo, Coupa Cafe and On Call Cafe, my adoration of UMe stands strong.
Even without accounting for its delicious items, UMe’s presence alone brightens up Old Union. The building is a charming mix of new and old. You have TAP’s familiar marble interior and the painted lyrics to “Alma Mater” running across the ceiling. But now there are spots of pink everywhere — the most obvious being a large statue of UMe’s blushing bunny mascot clinging to a gigantic mango drink.
Every time I drop by, there’s a small crowd of students waiting for their orders on nearby couches as I line up to order my favorite drink: an uji matcha mango latte, large, whole milk, 50% sweet. The latte comes with a generous portion of blended mangoes, unfailingly ripe and fragrant, and a scoop of matcha ice cream on top. It’s creamy, smooth, rich, harmonious — the triumphant apotheosis of tea.
UMe’s snack selection doesn’t disappoint either. An adorably pink box of UMe popcorn chicken won’t last a minute in my hands. Fried fresh in a peppery Taiwanese style, it’s tender, aromatic and arguably overpriced at $9.95 for a small box (though maybe I’m not used to Bay Area pricing yet). Unfortunately for my credit card, I’m inarguably addicted.
UMe also offers fried tofu, curly fries, cheese balls and sausages. The fried mini octopus seems chronically out of stock, however. In the seven times I’ve visited, it’s never once been available. I’ve come to the realization that either the octopus sells out at a breakneck pace daily or this location simply doesn’t offer any. If the latter is true, I hope the store eventually removes it from the menu rather than torturing me with tantalizing false hope.
But when the grief of UMe’s octopus shortage hits, at least I can comfort myself by ordering the drink that started it all: a wonderful, icy cup of champaca milk tea. Recently, struck with a daring urge to deviate from the norm, I tried the mango yogurt slushie.
Please learn from my mistake.
Grab a large straw! UMe’s yogurt drinks come in thin square containers and are impossible to mix without one. I attempted to stir mine with a plastic spoon, only to end up spilling all over my favorite Resident Tutor’s carpet.
Technical mishaps aside, the drink itself was surprisingly delightful. The yogurt in this beverage was barely perceptible, adding a soft, rich tang and melding perfectly with sweet mangoes and chewy oat boba.
Though, speaking of boba, I’ve yet to try actual boba pearls from UMe. Part of my aversion stems from the electronic sign greeting customers as they step into Old Union: a rabbit wearing Cardinal red, holding an uncanny cup of tea that brims with trypophobia-inducing boba.
It appears potentially AI-generated and sticks uncomfortably in my mind’s eye whenever I see it. Given the restaurant’s Silicon Valley origins and campus location, I’d be unsurprised if AI was involved.
Despite some artificial-looking decorations, Ume’s staff are authentically friendly. Though they’re always busy, multiple employees stopped to assist me when I experienced technical trouble ordering and even checked in multiple times afterward.
I’m certain I’ll be singing stories of UMe’s superiority for years to come. In the coming weeks, I’m excited to try the mochi-filled drinks (and maybe even some boba), and indulge in a cup of fresh fruit tea. No matter what, I can’t help but keep visiting — I have to keep checking if the octopus ever comes back in stock.