If Baudrillard’s got you juicing for some hyperreal and the “Real World” just isn’t doing it for you, this list of 5 reality shows that should be shot at Stanford will whet your appetite for Stanford’s non-sports tube debut. Stay tuned for casting calls.

Real Housewives of the Farm
The married-students residences may not be that full, but we hear that at Stanford, you either casually hook up or date all four years, and we even once heard 90 percent of Stanfordians marry other Stanfordians. Grab a couple cameras and bottles of wine and lets see if these Farm-fresh lovers can get the drama up enough to topple tables.

Keeping Up with the Kappa Sigs
A peek inside the private lives of one of Stanford’s most controversial brotherhoods. The Kappa Sigs might not be famous for a sex tape (or they might be) but we’re betting there’s a Khloe or two among them to keep us laughing once the lights come up after the all-campus ragers. Society may think of them as well-dressed socialites, but we know they’re family men just looking for love between classes and photo shoots. Also, one was on Rich Kids of Instagram.

Breaking Amish
Our newest guilty pleasure drinking game is coming to Stanford, minus the Amish plus freshmen. They may look calm and reserved, but buried underneath that Class of 2016 lanyard is a flaming rebellion only 18 years of rigorous academic focus can stoke. Some will make it to the city (all-campuses), others will be shunned and a lucky few will end their prematurely serious relationships. But will the RAs let them back on the compound?

Stanford Pickers
There are hidden treasures scattered on this campus. Beneath the Amazon boxes and behind the IKEA futons, we’re sure Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz could root up some real gems. But that’s not what we want to see! We’d watch this Stanfordized reality TV for the juicy knickknacks and bizarre gewgaws that have been wont to turn up in everywhere from freshman dorms to grad student housing. Intermission staffers have stumbled upon cotton candy machines, bathtubs full of energy “drink” and even five-person hammocks. Okay, maybe more “Room Raiders” than “Pickers,” but minus the black light.

COPS/TREE GUARDS
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when you roll that stop sign without a bike light and they run for you? This hard-hitting docu-drama expose follows the tree-patch-wearing security guards (“cops”) who keep the peace by loitering at stop signs and setting up barricades at all-campuses. Watch as they patrol for open containers and counterfeit SUIDs at football games. (What would resident “Cops” scholar Fred Turner say?)