Fresh off of a hard-fought win vs. Old Dominion and a berth in the NIT finals, the Stanford men’s basketball team embarked on a celebratory stroll through Central Park.
The short journey, while initially uneventful, quickly generated a new buzz within the program when fifth-year senior Elliott Bullock turned over a rather large rock and discovered seven years of eligibility lying innocently underneath.

“It’s exhilarating,” the 6-foot-10 center who first suited up for the Cardinal in 2008 told the Daily. “My teammates thought I was crazy when I noticed something funny about that rock, but if anyone knows how to find extra years of eligibility, it’s me.”

Stanford head coach Johnny Dawkins added, “We’re all really happy for Elliott. He’s brought so much energy and excitement into this program, and I’m glad to have him around for future NIT runs.”

“Now, if only I could find some extra years of eligibility of my own,” Dawkins added. “With me on the court, this team would be in the Final Four in a heartbeat.”

When told of the news of Bullock’s newfound eligibility, NCAA President Mark Emmert said, “The rules are the rules. He found that eligibility under that rock fair and square. There’s nothing more to be said.”
Stanford tips off against Miami in the NIT championship game on Thursday in Madison Square Garden, newly energized following Bullock’s discovery.

Editor’s note: This article was published as part of The Daily’s April Fool’s Day edition and is completely fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.