Humans constantly rely on numbers as evidence because they are concrete, tangible and honest. In a world where evidence is overwhelmingly quantitative, I’ve noticed myself falling into an unhealthy pattern of using numbers as a measure of progress, success and self-worth. I count how many times I speak in class, how often I go to the gym, how many units I enrolled in, how many clubs I joined, how many likes my picture on Instagram received and other ultimately meaningless measurements.

However, I’ve recently realized that relying on arbitrary quantitative facts as sources of external validation is just a vicious cycle that only leads to a perpetual feeling of mediocrity. If I continue to quantify my accomplishments, I will never feel satisfied because a higher, unattainable number will always loom overhead. While I believe that I can always improve, I think that constantly seeking success by attaining the highest number possible, whether it be a test grade or likes on a social media post, is counterproductive and not indicative of success.

When participation in class is represented by tally marks of how many times you comment, it is easy to start believing that more comments correspond to higher intelligence and more work put into the readings, but that is not always the case. Obviously, there are very intelligent people who speak less in class. In my experience, numbers have ultimately been an empty and misleading source of validation. More likes on Instagram do not equal more friends.

While I realize that numbers are facts, I think that the interpretation of numbers is subjective and meaningless without context. For example, speaking twice in class may seem like a failure to someone who is accustomed to speaking a lot but a victory to someone who hates speaking in class. One of the largest problems I have with external validation is that it leads to competition and comparison; finding context helps me battle the urge to compare.

Ultimately, I have found that external validation is unfulfilling and breeds unhealthy competition. I’ve realized that I cannot rely on external sources for validation whether it be from my teachers, family members, or friends, from test scores or likes on a post. At the end of the day, when I sit in my dorm room at 2 a.m. eating mac and cheese, away from all of the numbers that fill my resume, I am able to define myself without quantities, as a human being separate from my academic career and social networking status. I can identify myself as a dog lover and cereal eater, rather than as a person taking 15 units. I remind myself of my qualities that cannot be measured: My kindness, determination and sarcasm.
Contact Phoebe Quinton at pquinton ‘at’ stanford.edu.