To the extent there was an “us,” it only lasted for a brief amount of time. Now, things will remain forever in the past — almost certainly to never cross paths again. There is something that has certainly persisted, however, and that would be what I learned from what we did have.
Because it took place during fall quarter, I would definitely say this “relationship” falls under the broad umbrella of cuffing season: a time when people are looking for something with someone to make it through those colder months. On the surface, it paints a rather lighthearted picture of getting temporarily attached to someone. On a deeper level, however, I think it represents something much bigger about what it means to be a Stanford student at this time of year.
Especially for frosh, fall quarter is when you can discover for the sake of discovering. To the point that it scares you sometimes, campus feels like this never-ending universe of possibilities for you to uncover on a daily basis. You’re away from home for perhaps the first time in your life, so you can’t help but dive head-first into the unknown. From taking “just for fun” classes to forming your own niche traditions with people you’ve just met, the possibilities just don’t stop. This certainly doesn’t stop in the world of romance.
A lot could fit into the incredibly broad “romantic” category during this even more incredibly possibilities-filled time at Stanford. For one person, this might be the first time ever where it’s possible for them to be true to themselves on how to love others and/or present themselves. For someone else, it could be getting to manifest the very standards and desires that prior experiences left them feeling like they would never deserve in the first place. For me, it took the form of remembering a past trauma in ways that sent me on this one-of-a-kind journey of change and self-discovery.
As much as cuffing season and its endless possibilities can bring you a joy that borders on euphoria, “reality” has a way of setting in come the winter holidays. Because Stanford is where you experience the possible, you end up encountering the challenges you maybe didn’t envision — or refused to accept.
Precisely because of Stanford being the place where you meet the people and create the experiences you never thought possible, you also end up countering the challenges you maybe didn’t envision — or refused to accept.
The closer we get to winter break at Stanford, the deeper that certain questions tend to set in, such as: Will things ever get serious between us? Can what we have last? Is this even good for me in the first place?
It can hit you like a truck sometimes. Thinking about navigating a potential long distance relationship (LDR), coming up with the words to have the conversation that ends things or even just approaching midterms and finals as you deal with all of this can be a lot. This is what I think makes the rather typical cuffing season experience — getting together and then breaking up — a special experience of sorts.
A cuffing season breakup sometimes happens due to a mutually fading desire to keep “things” going, or perhaps one person wanted something more “real” while the other didn’t want more. Either way, there is a tendency that some have to question whether or not it — something temporary — was actually worth having. Without question, I would say that it was worth it.
Just because something ended doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile. You might have initiated things without careful thought on its long-term prospects, but that doesn’t mean you made a mistake. You might have been in a situation where a split was undoubtedly in your best interests, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve something that does go well. You might be at a point in life where an LDR would be untenable, or you might not know how to strongly voice your standards and desires just yet. The end of what you might have had during cuffing season isn’t the end of romance for you.
The silver lining to a cuffing season breakup is the path it could very well lead you on. From the way it all started, maybe you learned more about the green and red flags to keep an eye out for. From the way it ended, maybe you learned something on how to more effectively communicate your standards and desires. Regardless of what led you to where you are now, you have the next chapter to look toward. Much like your time at Stanford, your world of romance is full of endless possibilities.