What happens when you fall in love, but you have already said yes in your wedding vows to another person? When you have already promised a lifelong commitment? When you have already built a family? When you have a husband or a wife? What if you fall in love again, with someone else? Is this love impossible?

I watched three movies that attempt to answer these questions. All of them belong to different points in history, but carry the influences of their precedents. All of them are now considered old movies and tell the story of a love affair: “Brief Encounter” (1945), “Strangers When We Meet” (1960) and “Falling in Love” (1984).

The three share the same plot line in essence: a man and a woman, each with their own families — a wife or a husband and children — meet almost by coincidence and fall in love. 

In “Brief Encounter,” Alec and Laura wait at the same coffee shop near a train station. Laura faces a small medical issue, and Alec, a doctor, appears by her side like a saint fallen from the sky. The love story begins. 

In “Strangers When We Meet,” Larry and Maggie drop their children off at the same bus station, and Larry can’t take his eyes off Maggie, as if she is the only living being left on the planet. Later, they begin chatting after mixing up cereal boxes at a nearby shop. A similar product mix-up occurs when Molly and Frank meet in “Falling in Love”; they bump into each other at a bookshop while buying Christmas presents and accidentally mix the gifts they bought. They later recognize each other at a train station, marking the start of their story. 

Something I noticed about the 1945 movie, “Brief Encounter,” was that the characters were very respectful to each other in how they spoke; there was almost a distance between them, creating a sense of courtesy. Dialogue in “Falling in Love” (1984) felt more direct and almost vulgar in comparison. But even in “Falling in Love,” the conversations between characters felt almost sacred compared to how people interact now in real life. Decency and respect in human conversations seems to decay as time goes by.

However, though the conversations are more respectful in “Brief Encounter,” people still gossip and pry into events that don’t involve them. Perhaps humans are flawed by nature, and that’s something that remains constant throughout time.

In “Strangers When We Meet,” Larry tells Maggie that she is “not so pretty” when they first speak, even though it’s beyond evident that he is mesmerized by her beauty. In “Falling in Love,” Frank tells Molly that she is very pretty on the train when they haven’t known each other for long. It’s difficult not to notice this similarity between the two movies: men can’t help but suppress and verbalize their attraction in their own ways. However, in the 1945 movie, Alec never comments on Laura’s appearance, which is perhaps another reflection of the level of respect and distance that was expected in the past. 

In all three movies, the characters look into each other’s eyes as if the other exists only in a fleeting moment, something so light and so ephemeral that it might slip away any second. I felt this sentiment more in the older movies. In 1945, it must have felt like a miracle for Alec and Laura to manage to meet up in a place they decided on a week ago! And what if they forgot to plan properly! They couldn’t even text each other; how would they find each other again?

In all movies, the men get offered a job opportunity in a different city. Although they all hesitate at first, they all accept the offer in an attempt to bring a cold end to their love affair, like a flower pulled out of the soil together with its roots. Given the limitations in technology, none of them have a means of sustained communication once they leave. Thus, moving to a far location means a definite end to all three love stories. In the present, however, this probably wouldn’t even mean anything; you can text, FaceTime, or send Instagram reels to each other. You might feel like you never lost connection. Even if your loved one moved to the other end of the world, the effect wouldn’t be as drastic.

In the older two movies, the last moment the lovers share is abruptly interrupted by a stranger entering their conversation, taking away their chance to say a proper goodbye. In the most recent movie, though, the ending is different: a couple years later, Frank moves back to New York. Both Molly and Frank have divorced their partners, and the couple gets their happy ending. 

Perhaps because the most recent movie is more modern, divorce is more normalized, which gives the characters the freedom to pursue their love. In the older movies, by contrast, it’s not as acceptable to end the marriage. Thus, the idea of the characters being with their new lovers is considered impossible. Their love will instead stay as a beautiful, painful memory in their minds until they die.

Each movie tells the story of falling in love later in life. While this isn’t the most socially acceptable behavior, we do feel a strong sympathy for the characters, and it feels painful to watch them part ways. 

I think a reason why the characters’ attraction feels so strong is because their stories are set before people had access to proper technology and social media. Now, perhaps, seeing a meaningful face at a train station doesn’t strike a person as deeply; it doesn’t create a sense of urgency to approach them, as there are so many faces and profiles online. There used to be nothing to compare the person you were attracted to; love was more naive.

I left these movies thinking that falling in love was more painful, but also more meaningful, in the past.